HE KNOWS

                                                     


Lying in bed early one morning, I had the thought of not being able to write anymore. What if this feeling of numbness I was experiencing lasts the rest of my life and there is no more passion to write about the trials of grief or the emptiness of loss? What if I spend the rest of my days like a hollow shell with no emotion? What if the Lord is through using me on this subject? What if I forget? Forget that fresh grief? Forget what living with loss is? But how can this be, how could I possibly? It is now part of my existence.


I crawl out of bed and get some coffee. Too many "what ifs" this time of morning! Sitting at my desk, I feel uneasy about all these thoughts whirling in my head. I read a devotion from Nehemiah where he asks God to strengthen his hands. Then I just sit and stare. Psalms 18 came to mind, "I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliver; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." "You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning....." what does this mean? I had written a note at the bottom of this page and highlighted the footnote with this verse: "God causes his (my) life and undertakings to flourish." My note recorded; The LORD keeps me passionate for my God given work.


Here was my answer! I am amazed when God reveals to me that He knows my thoughts even while lying in bed early in the mornings. I think of Psalm 139, "O LORD, You have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; You perceive my thoughts from afar." YES!


I glance at a highlighted verse in the chapter before, "The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me."


Why do I so easily forget that Christ lives through me and that I don't have to live by my own efforts? I don't have to conjure up the strength and ability on my own when God has given me everything good for doing His will, (Heb.13:21)? And...He is able to do immeasurably more than I could ask or imagine according to his power that is at work within me, (Eph. 3:20).


Wow, that load just got lifted. Thank you Jesus for speaking to me through Your Word. So like Nehemiah ask, Lord, strengthen my hands, my heart and like King David ask, "Renew a steadfast spirit within me" (Psalm 51:10).