THE UNIVERSAL QUESTION OF WHY?

Some events that happen in life are hard to comprehend why God would allow them. Why do bad things happen to good people? Why does a good God allow tragedies? If you are a Christian, you know the answer goes back to Genesis where our first parents chose to disobey God rather than do what He said. Hence - sin entered the world and there has been chaos ever since. God never meant for us to have to suffer and struggle and have trials and hardships. We chose that over fellowship with Him. When He created, everything He created was good. So God is not to blame. However, we still have the question of why he allows tragedies. He is sovereign and could prevent them. I always think of Job in the Bible and all he endured, yet, he came to a realization of who God is rather than understanding his circumstances.


This question of why was asked by me to God: "Why did You allow this tragedy in our life when You could have prevented it? Why would You take our only son? Why bring sorrow and hurt and pain? Why us?"


I will admit, (and I am being very transparent here), in my great grief and hurt, I contemplated giving up on the Christian life. If this is how it turns out, did I still want to hold on to God or turn my back on Him? How arrogant of me to think this way. But, great grief causes thoughts never before known; questions never before formed; actions never before anticipated. And.....the wrestling begins. This consistent on-going mentality can be pure torture. It's exhausting and at the same time is demanding answers. Answers I didn't have but desperately wanted.


In John 6:53-39, Jesus had just given a hard teaching that those listening were struggling to comprehend. Even some of His disciples thought it too much to take in and in the verses following we find they gave up on Him. "From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him."


This is scary to me. What is life without Jesus? What's the point of anything without Him? Jesus asked His disciples if they too were going to leave and turn their backs on Him? "Simon Peter answered Him, 'Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God'" (verse 68-69).


This became my realization too. There is no other way. I do love Jesus more than I can confess, and that love compels me to work it out in my life. I had to wrestle with my own mind and heart to get to this place but I didn't do it alone. I had God's Word before me, His Spirit guiding me and a growing faith. The Lord allowed me, sent me, to a desperate place to learn to rely on Him and depend solely on Him. Sometimes I have to keep reminding myself of this when the weight of grief crushes. Jesus gives the gift of peace. Calm in the chaos. Our faith grows stronger when we turn to God and we become more than conquerors through Him (Romans 8:37).


No one, not even God said life would be easy. Jesus said, "In the world you have tribulation and distress and suffering, but be courageous, I have overcome the world" (John 16:33 Amp).


Maybe instead of me asking "why me?" I should say, "why not me?" And why would a good God love and care for me? I thank Him for His grace, love and mercy and for not turning His back on me!


Just so you know, I never got my questions answered. Somehow, the need to have them answered is not as strong anymore but the yearning to shout to the world what a good, compassionate and loving God we have seems to have overtaken that need.

To Laugh Again

Last night while at church, I talked to a lady friend who has recently lost her adult son to cancer. She is struggling and understandably so. There were two of us talking with her. The other lady comforting our friend, has lost an adult daughter to cancer. We sat and identified with the others grief and listened to the way we each handled the process.


The other lady keeps busy and involves herself with activities and being around other people. She does this to keep her mind and heart from slipping into self-pity. This is also how my husband deals with his grief. I, on the other hand prefer to be alone, busy, but with my thoughts protected from the outside world. Our friend is just trying to work through all the new and different, (foreign, if you will), emotions and feelings.


The point here is that everyone grieves differently and that is okay as long as it is physically and mentally sound, not hurtful to yourself or others. Yes, I'm saying there is a proper way to grieve. This is how I have found my way: God "is my rock of strength, my refuge is in God. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him. God is a refuge for us" (Psalms 62:7-8).


Our friend made the comment that one day she would be at the place we are, but for now she was having a hard time. I think back on myself at the place where she is now. I didn't want anyone telling me it would get better. I couldn't even conceive it. I felt that it was not even right to feel better.


We never "get over" losing a child. We are never free from our loss and we don't want to be. Time really doesn't heal completely. Time helps you learn how to live with your loss. Time brings joy back into your life. Time permits you to think on the good memories instead of focusing so much on the event of death. Time does do a very good work if we allow it to.


I remember the first time I laughed out loud after Gary's passing. God used my little Jack Russell to make me laugh again. It had been so long since I had heard myself laugh, that the sound of my laughter startled me.  My first thought was, Does Gary hear me laughing? Is he okay with that?


Coming back to life after such a great loss is not disrespectful to those who have gone before us. I believe they are waiting for us to. I'm thankful my son hasn't been sitting around in heaven grieving for us like we have for him. He would want us to be happy and to look forward to the day when we will be reunited again.


Let me encourage someone today who is wondering if they will ever find joy and laughter again; even if you're not ready to except it. God will help you through. Pour out your heart to Him and let Him bring you back to life in His time and in His way.