I stopped making new years resolutions a long time ago when I realized that it takes more than trying to turn over a new leaf, acquire new (better) habits, or resolve to accomplish more than the previous year. These resolutions are not bad action plans. However, most of us do not carry them out for very long before we lose sight, get discouraged or find road blocks that keep us from accomplishing them. And usually, this happens because we made the resolutions and tried to work them out from our own ideas and plans.
I learned through the death of my son, that "our plans" do not always turn out according to what we want or desire. When you want to die but can't, and don't have the strength to take the next step; when you're consumed with grief and anguish of heart and soul, you have to find help to get through the next moment, much more to the next day. Although I had been a Christian and in the Scriptures for years, it took a tragedy for me to know my great need of God. It was a different need than I had ever experienced and a perspective of God never known before. I have a saying, "Desperate times causes us to see our desperate need of God."
God says, "I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD. Jeremiah 29:11-14NIV
Another version says of verse 13, "Then (with deep longing) you will seek Me and require Me (as a vital necessity) and (you will) find Me when you search for Me with all your heart" (Amp). Yes, vital necessity.
Sometimes those plans are not what we imagined, or the prosperity not which we expected, or the future how we envisioned it. I have learned that God's thoughts are not my thoughts or His ways my ways, but God's ways are higher as is His thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9). He knows best and that is sometimes a hard lump to swallow when you lack understanding.
I do know this: The plans for me are to not waste my precious grief. The lessons learned through grief are more valuable than any new years resolution I could ever imagine. The peace of God, and that is a gift, is more than I can describe. The strength He gives me daily is unexplainable but I know I've been granted it. The comfort.......well, it's not just so that I can sit around and be comforted. I have to pass it on to another hurting soul that they may experience the same comfort that I have received (2 Corinthians 1:4.).
I ask this to be my goal for the rest of my life: "I instruct you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble. Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life.
[ABOVE ALL ELSE], guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways" (Proverbs 4:11-13 & 23-26).
Above all else, fixing my eyes on Jesus, "who is the Author and Perfecter of faith" (Hebrews 12:2).
Blessings for the new year!
Saturday, December 30, 2017
Wednesday, December 20, 2017
TRUE LOVE
In conversation with a young man who is struggling to understand that God loves him, I explained God's love in a way that he could grasp and know it for a fact. I told him of how much I loved my son; that I would always try to do my best to meet his needs, raise him to be a responsible person all while pouring out my love to him. And that if God had given me the choice, I would have died for my son that he could live and enjoy a full life. The love of a good mother for her child is great. It is a love that is "as strong as death" (Song of Songs 8:6 NIV).
"God is love" (1John 4:8). He is the meaning of love and all that He is and all that He's done and all that He will do. He loved us so much that "He (greatly) loved and dearly prized the world, that He (even) gave His (One and) only begotten Son, so that whoever believes and trusts in Him (as Savior) shall not perish, but have eternal life" (John 3:16 AMP). And Jesus, who was without any sin, took our sins; all the grotesque, horrible, dreadful, shocking and even petty sins on Himself on the cross so that we could have His righteousness (free from guilt or sin)! What other god would do that for you? NO OTHER! Only Jesus. His blood is precious and washes away our sin. His love surpasses all knowledge and nothing can separate us from His great love (Romans 8:38-39). He is Immanuel, meaning, God with us (Isaiah 7:14). He is "KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS" (Revelation 19:16 NIV).
I heard the words from a Christmas song the other day ....."God in His mother's arms." Just wow!
Mary loved her Son deeply but the love of God for His son is indescribable. There is nothing, not even my example of love for my son, that can compare to God's love.
Another amazing truth comes from Jesus prayer to His Father in John 17:23 AMP., "...That the world may know (without any doubt) that You sent Me, and (that You) have loved them (us), just as You have loved Me." To think that God loves us even as He loves Jesus is amazing.
Trying to help my young friend understand this love from God, has reminded me and reinforced the truth of how much we are all loved. My response to this love, that is beyond comprehension, is a life of gratitude, service and love back to the One "who loved me and gave Himself up for me" (Galatians 2:20 AMP).
What great love is this? A saving love. A perfect love. True love. Thank you God for the indescribable gift of Your Son. The true meaning of Christmas.
Merry Christ-mas
"God is love" (1John 4:8). He is the meaning of love and all that He is and all that He's done and all that He will do. He loved us so much that "He (greatly) loved and dearly prized the world, that He (even) gave His (One and) only begotten Son, so that whoever believes and trusts in Him (as Savior) shall not perish, but have eternal life" (John 3:16 AMP). And Jesus, who was without any sin, took our sins; all the grotesque, horrible, dreadful, shocking and even petty sins on Himself on the cross so that we could have His righteousness (free from guilt or sin)! What other god would do that for you? NO OTHER! Only Jesus. His blood is precious and washes away our sin. His love surpasses all knowledge and nothing can separate us from His great love (Romans 8:38-39). He is Immanuel, meaning, God with us (Isaiah 7:14). He is "KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS" (Revelation 19:16 NIV).
I heard the words from a Christmas song the other day ....."God in His mother's arms." Just wow!
Mary loved her Son deeply but the love of God for His son is indescribable. There is nothing, not even my example of love for my son, that can compare to God's love.
Another amazing truth comes from Jesus prayer to His Father in John 17:23 AMP., "...That the world may know (without any doubt) that You sent Me, and (that You) have loved them (us), just as You have loved Me." To think that God loves us even as He loves Jesus is amazing.
Trying to help my young friend understand this love from God, has reminded me and reinforced the truth of how much we are all loved. My response to this love, that is beyond comprehension, is a life of gratitude, service and love back to the One "who loved me and gave Himself up for me" (Galatians 2:20 AMP).
What great love is this? A saving love. A perfect love. True love. Thank you God for the indescribable gift of Your Son. The true meaning of Christmas.
Merry Christ-mas
Wednesday, December 13, 2017
YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN GRIEF: Finding Strength Through The Holidays
"God makes a home for the lonely." Psalm 68:6 NASB
My third book on grief was published in 2018. The very first chapter in the book addresses the overwhelming impression that we are alone. Loneliness is one of the most distinguishable aspects of grief. Our loss is a personal journey that, at times, causes us to feel isolated and alone. Perhaps, forsaken.
During the holidays, this loneliness can creep into our hearts as we watch others excitement while enjoying their families. I'm not suggesting we are not thankful for the times with our loved ones. I'm saying the absence of our loved one, who is no longer with us, seems at a greater degree when we are gathered together. I've caught myself looking around at everyone during our family gatherings with the keen awareness that my son is missing. Someone is missing.
We may be doing better and then comes the holiday's bringing with it fresh grief. Especially if this is the first season without a loved one. The firsts are always tremendously hard but not necessarily the hardest.
Of all the emotions we go through with grief, one very important truth to remember is this: You are not alone. First and foremost, God is with you. His Word describes Jesus as our Great Shepherd and we are the sheep. The Shepherd cares for His sheep continually, never leaving them alone because they are so needy. "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart" (Isaiah 40:11 NIV). He tenderly cares for those who are sorrowful, who have collapsed under the weight of grief.
God is a "Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows" (Psalm 68:5 NIV). He is our compassionate,
all-sufficient Savior and His grace is always, not sometimes, but always sufficient to take care of us. He knows the pain and sorrow of watching His only Son take the sins of the world on Himself and die on a cruel cross to save us. Since He loves us that much and understands our pain, we can rest assured He is constantly with us. He will not leave us alone.
Secondly, There are other sufferers who understand your pain. I'm not saying they know how you feel. No one knows that but you and God, but you have those who can truly understand your pain; those who walk in the shadow of death, our sojourners in grief who share our sorrows. Sojourner means "temporary journey." God promises "I WILL NEVER (under any circumstances) DESERT YOU (nor give you up nor leave you without support, nor will I in any degree leave you helpless), NOR WILL I FORSAKE or LET YOU DOWN or RELAX MY HOLD ON YOU (assuredly not)!" (Hebrews 13:5 AMP). He also promises that He will wipe every tear from our eyes. "There will no longer be death; there will no longer be sorrow and anguish, or crying, or pain" (Rev.21:4 AMP).
Be encouraged this Christmas season. Take heart, fellow believer. We have a good Father and are headed home where we will be with Him and our loved ones......forever!
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
My third book on grief was published in 2018. The very first chapter in the book addresses the overwhelming impression that we are alone. Loneliness is one of the most distinguishable aspects of grief. Our loss is a personal journey that, at times, causes us to feel isolated and alone. Perhaps, forsaken.
During the holidays, this loneliness can creep into our hearts as we watch others excitement while enjoying their families. I'm not suggesting we are not thankful for the times with our loved ones. I'm saying the absence of our loved one, who is no longer with us, seems at a greater degree when we are gathered together. I've caught myself looking around at everyone during our family gatherings with the keen awareness that my son is missing. Someone is missing.
We may be doing better and then comes the holiday's bringing with it fresh grief. Especially if this is the first season without a loved one. The firsts are always tremendously hard but not necessarily the hardest.
Of all the emotions we go through with grief, one very important truth to remember is this: You are not alone. First and foremost, God is with you. His Word describes Jesus as our Great Shepherd and we are the sheep. The Shepherd cares for His sheep continually, never leaving them alone because they are so needy. "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart" (Isaiah 40:11 NIV). He tenderly cares for those who are sorrowful, who have collapsed under the weight of grief.
God is a "Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows" (Psalm 68:5 NIV). He is our compassionate,
all-sufficient Savior and His grace is always, not sometimes, but always sufficient to take care of us. He knows the pain and sorrow of watching His only Son take the sins of the world on Himself and die on a cruel cross to save us. Since He loves us that much and understands our pain, we can rest assured He is constantly with us. He will not leave us alone.
Secondly, There are other sufferers who understand your pain. I'm not saying they know how you feel. No one knows that but you and God, but you have those who can truly understand your pain; those who walk in the shadow of death, our sojourners in grief who share our sorrows. Sojourner means "temporary journey." God promises "I WILL NEVER (under any circumstances) DESERT YOU (nor give you up nor leave you without support, nor will I in any degree leave you helpless), NOR WILL I FORSAKE or LET YOU DOWN or RELAX MY HOLD ON YOU (assuredly not)!" (Hebrews 13:5 AMP). He also promises that He will wipe every tear from our eyes. "There will no longer be death; there will no longer be sorrow and anguish, or crying, or pain" (Rev.21:4 AMP).
Be encouraged this Christmas season. Take heart, fellow believer. We have a good Father and are headed home where we will be with Him and our loved ones......forever!
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
Thursday, December 7, 2017
COMPARISON - The act or process of comparing
COMPARISON - The act or process of comparing
"Each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them." 1 Corinthians 7:17
Lately I've been in a slump. Every now and again I hit that slippery slope and spiral downward into feeling sorry for myself. It usually happens when I start comparing my life to my friends and others my age. I watch them with their children and grandchildren and listen in on their conversations about their family and how wonderful it all is. They are so proud of those grandchildren and tell the funny and cute things they are doing. The thing is, I would be doing the same thing if I was a grandmother, so I'm not criticizing or being cynical by any means. I truly am happy for them. It's when I start comparing that the sin of self-pity raises its ugly head and starts eating away at my contentment. Oswald Chambers said that "self-pity was of the devil." Elizabeth Elliott said, "to hell with self-pity" because that's where we can trace the source.
The verse from 1 Corinthians above is sometimes difficult and impossible to live out, especially if I'm wallowing in the unfairness of the sorrows of life. I have to find a way out. Usually, I disconnect for a while, even from social media, anywhere or anything that can be a seedbed for planting self-pity.
There's only one way out of this state of mind and heart and that is to take refuge in my Savior. Since He has allowed my life to be what it is, I have to believe that He wants to use it somehow for His purposes. The challenge is to trust Him to lead and guide me in the path that He has assigned and to find joy in Him, not my circumstances.
So, as I take the next step, I know my God has the power to bring up His feeble child out of the pit; from being turned inward, into looking up - fixing my eyes on Jesus. I will take a step away to re-focus and find strength through solitude, quietness and prayer and through the words that speak from the Scriptures. This is the only way out.......I know from past times.......lesson learned.
"Each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them." 1 Corinthians 7:17
Lately I've been in a slump. Every now and again I hit that slippery slope and spiral downward into feeling sorry for myself. It usually happens when I start comparing my life to my friends and others my age. I watch them with their children and grandchildren and listen in on their conversations about their family and how wonderful it all is. They are so proud of those grandchildren and tell the funny and cute things they are doing. The thing is, I would be doing the same thing if I was a grandmother, so I'm not criticizing or being cynical by any means. I truly am happy for them. It's when I start comparing that the sin of self-pity raises its ugly head and starts eating away at my contentment. Oswald Chambers said that "self-pity was of the devil." Elizabeth Elliott said, "to hell with self-pity" because that's where we can trace the source.
The verse from 1 Corinthians above is sometimes difficult and impossible to live out, especially if I'm wallowing in the unfairness of the sorrows of life. I have to find a way out. Usually, I disconnect for a while, even from social media, anywhere or anything that can be a seedbed for planting self-pity.
There's only one way out of this state of mind and heart and that is to take refuge in my Savior. Since He has allowed my life to be what it is, I have to believe that He wants to use it somehow for His purposes. The challenge is to trust Him to lead and guide me in the path that He has assigned and to find joy in Him, not my circumstances.
So, as I take the next step, I know my God has the power to bring up His feeble child out of the pit; from being turned inward, into looking up - fixing my eyes on Jesus. I will take a step away to re-focus and find strength through solitude, quietness and prayer and through the words that speak from the Scriptures. This is the only way out.......I know from past times.......lesson learned.
Thursday, November 30, 2017
Momma, C'mere
When my son was small, one of his constant requests was, "momma, c'mere." Seemed like it occurred most when I was busiest with work or housework. There were times when I would check in to see what he wanted, but would not stay with him where he was playing. Yes, I regret that now. But there were other times when I realized he needed me just to be in the same room with him. It was my presence that was comforting to him. So I would forgo the work and sit in the floor with him while he played. All he wanted was some of my time, my presence, and conversation. I am thankful for those times I did stop and give him my full undivided attention.
God is seeking the same from us; our time, our presence and conversation. His desire is for us to know Him more and serve His purposes. We cannot do this unless we spend time in His presence, in His Word and in conversing with Him. Furthermore, He doesn't want us skipping those times when we feel we are too busy.
Just as my son was comforted by my presence, I have been comforted by being in God's presence when I spend time with Him.
Take time for God today and take time for your children. You will never regret that you did.
"Plant the good seeds of righteousness, and you will harvest a crop of love. Plow up the hard grounds of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the LORD, that he may come and shower righteousness upon you." Hosea 10:12 NLT
God is seeking the same from us; our time, our presence and conversation. His desire is for us to know Him more and serve His purposes. We cannot do this unless we spend time in His presence, in His Word and in conversing with Him. Furthermore, He doesn't want us skipping those times when we feel we are too busy.
Just as my son was comforted by my presence, I have been comforted by being in God's presence when I spend time with Him.
Take time for God today and take time for your children. You will never regret that you did.
"Plant the good seeds of righteousness, and you will harvest a crop of love. Plow up the hard grounds of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the LORD, that he may come and shower righteousness upon you." Hosea 10:12 NLT
Wednesday, June 7, 2017
SLEEPLESS NIGHTS
"Where is God my Maker, Who gives songs in the night." Job 35:10 NASB
I've had my share of them. Nights when you toss and turn and think and think. Time crawls as you watch the clock. It's too much. Life has become too much to bear. Too much to process. Too many questions with no answers. You try to face this on your own. Anxiousness overtakes you. Worry sets in. Your soul is disturbed. You have lost sight of the One who is your refuge. Your Shepherd. The Chief Shepherd who cares for all your needs. Where is the rest? Where is the peace? There is no more singing. Your song has long gone. Where are you, God?
"You must wait for Him....He does not take His eyes off the righteous." Job 35:14b & 7a
"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10 This verse hangs on my wall right above my desk. It is a daily reminder that God is my strength and my source of courage. He enables me to go on; to endure even while the fires of sorrow are burning.
Hold fast to Him and don't let go. He will give you rest and a new song and you will again praise Him for His great love and compassion for you!
"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God." Psalm 40:1-3NIV
"Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my savior and my God." Psalm 42:5NIV
"Where is God my Maker, Who gives songs in the night." Job 35:10 NASB
I've had my share of them. Nights when you toss and turn and think and think. Time crawls as you watch the clock. It's too much. Life has become too much to bear. Too much to process. Too many questions with no answers. You try to face this on your own. Anxiousness overtakes you. Worry sets in. Your soul is disturbed. You have lost sight of the One who is your refuge. Your Shepherd. The Chief Shepherd who cares for all your needs. Where is the rest? Where is the peace? There is no more singing. Your song has long gone. Where are you, God?
"You must wait for Him....He does not take His eyes off the righteous." Job 35:14b & 7a
"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10 This verse hangs on my wall right above my desk. It is a daily reminder that God is my strength and my source of courage. He enables me to go on; to endure even while the fires of sorrow are burning.
Hold fast to Him and don't let go. He will give you rest and a new song and you will again praise Him for His great love and compassion for you!
"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God." Psalm 40:1-3NIV
"Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my savior and my God." Psalm 42:5NIV
Friday, April 7, 2017
April 8, 2017 - 8 Years
This Journey In Grief
April 8, 2017 - 8 Years
At the beginning of this journey in the loss of our son, we couldn't even imagine eight years. There were times we didn't know if we were going to live through the heartache and grief. To think about eight, ten or twenty years of life without our son was/is unimaginable. Who can possibly know what to expect in the long years ahead without their loved one? We've learned many things about grief in these last eight years. One important lesson is that we take one day at a time. At first, it was one moment at a time because we weren't sure if we would survive the day. And gradually, we got to one day at a time and the days start accumulating. One week. One month. Eight years. it sometimes seems surreal. Other times reality comes bursting through our hearts, uninvited, yet is has to come and with it the pain and harshness of its existence.
This is not how we planned our life would turn out, yet here we are. Standing over the casket of our child gave us no doubt that we were not in control. God is. And this is another lesson we've learned. In His sovereignty, His ways are not our ways, nor His thoughts ours. They are higher, deeper and He alone sees that massively large picture we yearn to see.
Another lesson: God's grace is sufficient in any and every circumstance we could imagine. His grace always has and always will be enough and that is how we progress from one moment to eight years.
There is no peace, inner joy, true strength and living lasting hope apart from Jesus. So if you are in grief and searching for this tranquility, even while grieving, Jesus is where you will find this. He is all in all.
We thank God for the twenty-two years of our son's life and the joy he brought to our home. I thought of twenty-two things I miss about my son that brings a smile and a tear. Good memories that bless us.
1. His presence
2. Hearing him call for "mom or dad"
3. His big, boisterous laugh and beautiful smile
4. Singing at church or in the boat while tying on fishing lures
5. His love for his grandparents
6. His smell
7. His big blue eyes and the excitement in them while telling of an adventure
8. Cooking his favorite foods: chicken & dumplings, corn casserole, hash brown casserole
and cherry pie. All starches and he was thin as paper!
9. Playing board games and watching his eyes enlarge, a smile appear, and rubbing his hands together
because he was going to make a big move and win
10.The feel of his hugs
11.Watching him prepare for a fishing or deer hunting trip
12.Having our talks about God, work, girls and life
13.Watching him carry on a conversation with others and admiring his ability to converse so well
14.Running and playing with the dogs
15.Playing golf and watching his beautiful swing
16.Just seeing him pull in the driveway to come home
17.Celebrating birthdays and holidays
18.The pride I felt from being his mother (I'm still proud to be his mom)
19.His kindness toward others and his compassionate heart
20.The way he was with his first cousins (all girls) and aunts who doted on him because he was the only boy in the family
21.His sense of humor
22.His excitement for life
April 8, 2017 - 8 Years
At the beginning of this journey in the loss of our son, we couldn't even imagine eight years. There were times we didn't know if we were going to live through the heartache and grief. To think about eight, ten or twenty years of life without our son was/is unimaginable. Who can possibly know what to expect in the long years ahead without their loved one? We've learned many things about grief in these last eight years. One important lesson is that we take one day at a time. At first, it was one moment at a time because we weren't sure if we would survive the day. And gradually, we got to one day at a time and the days start accumulating. One week. One month. Eight years. it sometimes seems surreal. Other times reality comes bursting through our hearts, uninvited, yet is has to come and with it the pain and harshness of its existence.
This is not how we planned our life would turn out, yet here we are. Standing over the casket of our child gave us no doubt that we were not in control. God is. And this is another lesson we've learned. In His sovereignty, His ways are not our ways, nor His thoughts ours. They are higher, deeper and He alone sees that massively large picture we yearn to see.
Another lesson: God's grace is sufficient in any and every circumstance we could imagine. His grace always has and always will be enough and that is how we progress from one moment to eight years.
There is no peace, inner joy, true strength and living lasting hope apart from Jesus. So if you are in grief and searching for this tranquility, even while grieving, Jesus is where you will find this. He is all in all.
We thank God for the twenty-two years of our son's life and the joy he brought to our home. I thought of twenty-two things I miss about my son that brings a smile and a tear. Good memories that bless us.
1. His presence
2. Hearing him call for "mom or dad"
3. His big, boisterous laugh and beautiful smile
4. Singing at church or in the boat while tying on fishing lures
5. His love for his grandparents
6. His smell
7. His big blue eyes and the excitement in them while telling of an adventure
8. Cooking his favorite foods: chicken & dumplings, corn casserole, hash brown casserole
and cherry pie. All starches and he was thin as paper!
9. Playing board games and watching his eyes enlarge, a smile appear, and rubbing his hands together
because he was going to make a big move and win
10.The feel of his hugs
11.Watching him prepare for a fishing or deer hunting trip
12.Having our talks about God, work, girls and life
13.Watching him carry on a conversation with others and admiring his ability to converse so well
14.Running and playing with the dogs
15.Playing golf and watching his beautiful swing
16.Just seeing him pull in the driveway to come home
17.Celebrating birthdays and holidays
18.The pride I felt from being his mother (I'm still proud to be his mom)
19.His kindness toward others and his compassionate heart
20.The way he was with his first cousins (all girls) and aunts who doted on him because he was the only boy in the family
21.His sense of humor
22.His excitement for life
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