This Journey In Grief
April 8, 2017 - 8 Years
At the beginning of this journey in the loss of our son, we couldn't even imagine eight years. There were times we didn't know if we were going to live through the heartache and grief. To think about eight, ten or twenty years of life without our son was/is unimaginable. Who can possibly know what to expect in the long years ahead without their loved one? We've learned many things about grief in these last eight years. One important lesson is that we take one day at a time. At first, it was one moment at a time because we weren't sure if we would survive the day. And gradually, we got to one day at a time and the days start accumulating. One week. One month. Eight years. it sometimes seems surreal. Other times reality comes bursting through our hearts, uninvited, yet is has to come and with it the pain and harshness of its existence.
This is not how we planned our life would turn out, yet here we are. Standing over the casket of our child gave us no doubt that we were not in control. God is. And this is another lesson we've learned. In His sovereignty, His ways are not our ways, nor His thoughts ours. They are higher, deeper and He alone sees that massively large picture we yearn to see.
Another lesson: God's grace is sufficient in any and every circumstance we could imagine. His grace always has and always will be enough and that is how we progress from one moment to eight years.
There is no peace, inner joy, true strength and living lasting hope apart from Jesus. So if you are in grief and searching for this tranquility, even while grieving, Jesus is where you will find this. He is all in all.
We thank God for the twenty-two years of our son's life and the joy he brought to our home. I thought of twenty-two things I miss about my son that brings a smile and a tear. Good memories that bless us.
1. His presence
2. Hearing him call for "mom or dad"
3. His big, boisterous laugh and beautiful smile
4. Singing at church or in the boat while tying on fishing lures
5. His love for his grandparents
6. His smell
7. His big blue eyes and the excitement in them while telling of an adventure
8. Cooking his favorite foods: chicken & dumplings, corn casserole, hash brown casserole
and cherry pie. All starches and he was thin as paper!
9. Playing board games and watching his eyes enlarge, a smile appear, and rubbing his hands together
because he was going to make a big move and win
10.The feel of his hugs
11.Watching him prepare for a fishing or deer hunting trip
12.Having our talks about God, work, girls and life
13.Watching him carry on a conversation with others and admiring his ability to converse so well
14.Running and playing with the dogs
15.Playing golf and watching his beautiful swing
16.Just seeing him pull in the driveway to come home
17.Celebrating birthdays and holidays
18.The pride I felt from being his mother (I'm still proud to be his mom)
19.His kindness toward others and his compassionate heart
20.The way he was with his first cousins (all girls) and aunts who doted on him because he was the only boy in the family
21.His sense of humor
22.His excitement for life
