Last night while at church, I talked to a lady friend who has recently lost her adult son to cancer. She is struggling and understandably so. There were two of us talking with her. The other lady comforting our friend, has lost an adult daughter to cancer. We sat and identified with the others grief and listened to the way we each handled the process.
The other lady keeps busy and involves herself with activities and being around other people. She does this to keep her mind and heart from slipping into self-pity. This is also how my husband deals with his grief. I, on the other hand prefer to be alone, busy, but with my thoughts protected from the outside world. Our friend is just trying to work through all the new and different, (foreign, if you will), emotions and feelings.
The point here is that everyone grieves differently and that is okay as long as it is physically and mentally sound, not hurtful to yourself or others. Yes, I'm saying there is a proper way to grieve. This is how I have found my way: God "is my rock of strength, my refuge is in God. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him. God is a refuge for us" (Psalms 62:7-8).
Our friend made the comment that one day she would be at the place we are, but for now she was having a hard time. I think back on myself at the place where she is now. I didn't want anyone telling me it would get better. I couldn't even conceive it. I felt that it was not even right to feel better.
We never "get over" losing a child. We are never free from our loss and we don't want to be. Time really doesn't heal completely. Time helps you learn how to live with your loss. Time brings joy back into your life. Time permits you to think on the good memories instead of focusing so much on the event of death. Time does do a very good work if we allow it to.
I remember the first time I laughed out loud after Gary's passing. God used my little Jack Russell to make me laugh again. It had been so long since I had heard myself laugh, that the sound of my laughter startled me. My first thought was, Does Gary hear me laughing? Is he okay with that?
Coming back to life after such a great loss is not disrespectful to those who have gone before us. I believe they are waiting for us to. I'm thankful my son hasn't been sitting around in heaven grieving for us like we have for him. He would want us to be happy and to look forward to the day when we will be reunited again.
Let me encourage someone today who is wondering if they will ever find joy and laughter again; even if you're not ready to except it. God will help you through. Pour out your heart to Him and let Him bring you back to life in His time and in His way.
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