Friday, November 8, 2019

Heavy Hearted

This morning I woke up feeling so burdened by issues going on in the world, in the church, in my friends lives, and in my family. I'm hurting for so many. Hurting to the place where I want to help "fix" things. And yet, it all seems so out-of-control!


What is the answer? The answer has always been and will always be the same. However, the world is not choosing this answer. The world is so power hungry and bent on pride. Pride will always be a downfall. Pride brings disgrace, breeds quarrels, and proceeds destruction, (per Proverbs).


There is a spirit of arrogance infiltrating our government, our denominations and our homes. He's riding on the backs of many, building up themselves and their beliefs. The ones who allow this spirit of arrogance to use them become their own gods. It's easy to become your own god; just do what you want to and believe what you want without any regard to God or His Word. Or, the Word can be taken and misinterpreted to fit the needs or wants of the interpreter. This is happening in our churches worldwide and locally. When God's laws no longer fit a lifestyle or a community, the laws are attempted to be changed to fit our culture. I laughed when I wrote that last sentence. Psalms says that God's Word stands firm in the heavens, it is eternal. Pride and arrogance makes one feel like they can change this. And God laughs, (Psalm 2:4) "But the Lord laughs at the wicked, for He knows their day is coming," (Psalm 37:13).


I'm seeing those who were strong in the faith turning their heads and looking at other options. Their beliefs are changing to fit their desires and their wills. What a dangerous place to be.


Families are breaking up because one of the members wanted their own way and relinquished their commitment, hurting all involved and causing chaos especially where children are involved.


This all hurts the heart of God. He has all the answers. Yet, few are going to Him for the answers. This sadly is Biblical. You know the gate Jesus talked about in Matthew seven was wide for those going to destruction and this is the way most will choose. The gate is narrow for those choosing the way of real, true life through Jesus - only a few find this way. So probably nothing I could write is going to "fix" anything. It just helps me vent, see more clearly, and realize how desperately I need to be on my knees praying for this lost world and my lost people.


When was the last time, or ever a time, that we have been so burdened by the lost that we wept for them on our knees and brought them before God? Intercession is a hard work. There will be spiritual warfare to keep us from doing this. I have experienced this. The enemy is out on a rampage, as the Bible says he will be in the last of the last days, and he does not want the saints praying at all. He wants them to backslide, and fall away, and have unbelief, and misinterpret the Word and the times. He's doing a good job.


Prayer is hard work and too many of us are being neglectful or we are only speaking surface prayers. Jesus said to go into our rooms and close the door......shut out the world, and pray.


It will change us. It can change the world.


About my being burdened: In our ladies Bible study I'm supposed to be memorizing these verses; "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30). I'm going to get right on that!


Funny, this is not at all what I intended to write about when I began writing this morning. Maybe it's what God wanted written, for me to adhere to and for someone else perhaps. The other blog will have to wait.

Saturday, October 26, 2019

Gary's Hunting Song

I dreamed I was with Ed's sister and brother and we were leaving for the airport to fly to another country. I was excited but nervous because I had never flown. On the way to the airport, I remembered I didn't bring my perfume and insisted we go back to get it, which we did. We hurried and made it to the airport on time but were rushed. As I'm quickly walking to my plane, I suddenly realized I hadn't told Gary I was headed out of the country and I needed to tell him this. In my dream, this ache in my chest arose as I recalled I hadn't had contact with him in a long time. I was trying to figure out why on earth we had not talked! The need to do so at that moment was overwhelming. Stopping in my tracks, and looking at my phone, I watched my finger push the numbers of his cell phone and it was the correct number. It rang and rang and all the while it's ringing, my heart is aching with anticipation to talk with him before I leave. That's when I woke up.

I know partly why I had the dream. I have an insatiable need to talk to my son. That desire never goes away. Neither does the desire to mother. The phone ringing and ringing is like the place I am in now - waiting and waiting. While I'm in this waiting period, I want to honor my son's memory, to help someone else in their loss,  point a hurting world to their only hope and true comfort, Jesus.

My son's last fall deer hunt was in 2008. On November 25th of that year, he wrote a song. The song tells how much he loved the sport of deer hunting. After Gary passed away, I gave the words to a singer/songwriter friend and ask if he would create music to the words, so it would become a complete song. Sadly, my friend passed away too.


To honor my son on his 33rd birthday, October 27, I want to share his words because I was/am proud of him and his expression of his love for the sport. I think if he were here reading back over his words, he would chuckle. I also think that if he were here, he would still be hunting and fishing. Gary loved life and he lived a full twenty-two years. For that I am thankful.

Happy birthday in heaven my precious son. I love and miss you with everything in me. This waiting is hard. When I get to heaven, let's sit and talk for a long while. I have so much to say to you.


                                                                   That Ole Tree

 All of us know the hard times at work, but there is a place out there where all your troubles can go away, that all the bad times are put behind you, and the good times are today!!

 Here we go to the place I want to be. I want to be sittin’ in That Ole Tree, waiting to see what I can see, in that frosty cold morning air, work is calling but I don’t care, cause I am sittin’ in That Ole Tree.

 I have a bow in my hand huntin’ on private land.  Can’t wait to see what I can see, sittin, waitin for a Buck in That Ole Tree.  While the buck gets closer my heart beats faster, I’ve shot my bow all summer I should shoot like a master.

 Here we go to the place I want to be. I want to be sittin’ in That Ole Tree, waitin to see what I can see, in that frosty cold morning air, work is calling but I don’t care, cause I am sittin’ in That Ole Tree. 

Here he comes down the trail right to my tree, I pull my bow back and shoot…….I look up at the sky and thank God for the day, cause right below my tree he lay,

 Cause here we go to the place I want to be, I want to be sittin’ in That Ole Tree, waiting to see what I can see, in that frosty cold morning air, work is calling but I don’t care, cause I am sittin in That Ole Tree.

Saturday, October 5, 2019

PREACHERMAN

Is Jesus enough? I've had this thought on my mind for a while now. What prompted it was an article I read from a Christian woman who had experienced thoughts that weren't mentally, emotionally, or spiritually healthy. She had prayed and prayed and ask God to take the thoughts away. She had sought out help from the professionals, joined support groups, anything she could to help, but nothing did. She made the comment that there needed to be more study in this area to find a way to help her and others struggling with these thoughts that plagued them.


I am all for learning more on the subjects of mental, physical and emotional needs. God has the answers and gives doctors and scientists the knowledge they need in order to help people with these needs. And He uses these doctors and scientists in this way for His glory whether they recognize where the knowledge came from or not. It is to God's glory. All of life's heartache, sickness, evil and death comes from sin. It all started in the beginning when the humans wanted their way instead of God's way. Hence, we have lived ever since in a world full of trouble and pain.


After I read the article, I felt this lady was saying that although she was a Christian, Jesus just wasn't enough. He didn't take away her thoughts. So I would like to pose the question to you..... Is Jesus enough? For whatever you are going through, is He enough?


We have a preacher friend who stops by often for coffee and conversation. We talk about all kinds of things but we always talk about the Lord. When he was at our home recently, he made the comment that he preached a sermon entitled - "Is Jesus Enough?" My heart started pounding because I had this blog in mind to write with this same question. While I didn't get to hear his sermon, this is what I have pondered in my heart:


1. Paul's thorn was not removed when he asked it to be (2 Cor. 12:8-9). He was to be dependent on God's grace for whatever it was that plagued him. God's grace was and is sufficient for any and every circumstance. The preacherman told us that he lived with a constant struggle, but his struggle is what kept him in close contact with God.


2. Are we in relationship and fellowship with Jesus? Before we can be, we must be born again. Transformed. Then we must be in the Word and prayer, not once a week, once a month, whenever we feel like it, (some of us would never feel like it), but daily. Every day. Do we see our great need of God? If everything is going just fine we may not see how much we need Him.... a ploy of the enemy. The enemy (Satan) comes to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10). The enemy is the one who puts thoughts in our heads that can harm us, physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I've witnessed that just this week with my small group at church. We're going through a tragic situation where we were betrayed by one who we thought was one of our own. But the enemy put thoughts in his head and he acted on them, and now we are devastated and that one is dead. Horrible tragedy. So this leads to number 3:


3. Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Cor. 10:5). Give God those thoughts that you know are not from Him but from the enemy and thoughts you are unable to deal with. Think pure thoughts. The only way we can do this is from the help and strength of the Lord. We all struggle with impure, unholy thoughts, but if the Bible says we can take them captive to the obedience of Christ, we can. Let me give you this whole verse out of the "Easy to Read Version" (ERV) of the Bible: "We tear down every proud idea that raises itself against the knowledge of God. We also capture every thought and make it give up and obey Christ."


4.  Do we believe that last sentence? There is a stipulation to receiving God's promises and that is believing them. Believing is receiving. Sometimes this can be very hard to do especially when you are stepping out in faith on a promise when you see nothing under your feet. However, again in 2 Corinthians 1:20, "For as many as are the promises of God, in Christ they are all answered 'Yes.'"


5.  Hope in God. This is not wishful thinking hope. Biblical hope is a confident assurance that what God says will come to pass. His promises have never failed and they will not fail now.


Preacherman told us, "If our hope fails... God fails. He will not, nor cannot fail. Our hope is unfailing."


This question, "Is Jesus enough?" reminds me of the story in John 7  where Jesus had just healed a man on the Sabbath and the people were questioning who He really was. They asked, "Have the authorities really concluded that He is the Christ?"  REALLY? This sounds so absurd to me. Could these people not think for themselves? Could they not believe the prophesies regarding the Christ? Could they not do their homework and know that Jesus was born in Bethlehem? Did they really have to have someone else tell them what to believe? Could they not open their eyes and see the miracles; open their ears and hear the teachings? However, after further study on these verses I found that they did know about Him from an earthly standpoint, didn't believe He was who He claimed to be, and with their question, were insinuating the religious rulers to do what they wanted to do: kill Jesus. This mob was probably part of the same who later cried "crucify!" "He came to that which was His own (that which belonged to Him - His world, His creation, His possession), and those who were His own (people - the Jewish nation) did not receive and welcome Him" (John 1). Following these verses, Jesus cries out to the crowd. "Yes, you know me, and you know where I am from. I am not here on my own authority, but he who sent me is true. You do not know him."


Jesus is still calling out. If we do not respond, we have no excuse. Romans 1:20 states this. Does it take too much time to get to know Jesus for ourselves? To study the Word and pray? It's easier just to say Jesus hasn't been enough for me than to search for Him with all your heart and soul and mind. And we hurt Him with our words and our lives.




The question, "Is Jesus enough," has already been answered and it is answered correctly. Whether we recognize that in our lives or not doesn't determine the answer. God has determined the answer. He is enough! He will always be enough!

Friday, August 2, 2019

The "P" Word

That "P" word keeps coming up in my reading and causing a lot of thinking. Serious thinking. I'm lacking in some areas. This world is missing it altogether when it comes to the "P" word. What does it look like to have that word in my life because I want more of it.


The "P" words meaning is - unmixed; free from taint; free from what pollutes or weakens or vitiates; clean and not harmful in any way; and I like this.....being in tune. All these descriptions come from the word PURE. Jesus said that only those who were pure in heart would be able to see God. That stimulates my thinking! Pure in my thoughts, actions, motives, words, (mmm that mouth), in all of life. Being in tune with my Maker. 


There's an amazing, thought provoking story in John 7,  where Jesus had been at the Feast of Tabernacles - the great feast in the Jewish year that celebrated the completion of harvest and connecting God's goodness to the people during their desert wanderings. During these days at the festival, Jesus taught at the temple courts. At some point the people began asking, "Have the authorities really concluded that he (Jesus) is the Christ?" Are you serious? The created human authorities needed to decide whether their Creator is the Christ? How insane is that, and yet, we decide that every day with our lives. Jesus is Lord over our life, or He is not. If He is not, who is? I have to admit that sometimes, the lord of my life is me. But I have discovered that I can't in myself have a pure heart. I've tried. It isn't possible. We are either hot or cold; we cannot straddle the fence as the saying goes. I have a preacher friend who makes it clear: "You are or you're not. Period."  Jesus IS Lord regardless of my insufficient ways. I Thank Him that His grace is sufficient to cover my lack and it is His strength that keeps me in the pure way. 


"On the last and greatest day of the feast, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice." Why in a loud voice? Was He yelling it out? Was He so intent for people to hear that He speaks out to where all can here? Yes, I think so and He's still speaking loud and clear but are we listening? This is what He said, "Anyone who is thirsty may come to me! Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, 'Rivers of living water will flow from his heart.'" Was there a possibility that some might not be thirsty? Sadly, yes. Some are content in themselves, with themselves. What good is there in that? What a selfish way to live. Jesus offers us the living water but only to those who are thirsty for it. Hmmm. How thirsty are we? Do we hunger and thirst for Jesus?


When my son was alive and I saw that he needed to make a decision on something, I spoke with intent so he would hear and not miss the message I was sending. I did that out of my love and concern for him. It was for his protection and his best interest. Jesus wants us to choose His way knowing that is the only way to have an abundant life. His love for us is beyond what we can imagine.


The living water that He was and still is offering is pure, untainted, clean in every way, not mixed with anything else. Pure. He is offering Himself.


You know, time is not waiting for any of us. Our time is running out and it's going by fast. We need to decide. The world watches us Christians. Are we genuine?  Our pastor said Sunday to get a blank piece of paper and sign your name at the bottom, then ask God to fill in the page. Scary? Yes, but it is the only way to real life. The only way to live and think and be... true and noble, right and pure, lovely and admirable, excellent and praiseworthy - think about and do such things. (Philippians 4)


Usually the final words of a speech or a sermon are words that leave you with something to think about and ponder over. Such were Jesus' final words at the close of the festival. Did you  notice they were said with exclamation marks? He meant it. He wanted to get their attention. He still does want to get our attention.


I want that "P" word in my life.

Thursday, July 25, 2019

Mourning Doves

Sitting at my desk at five in the morning it is quite, very quite. The only sound is a clock ticking. My thoughts are not quite. I read my Bible and desire so much for God to speak to me through His Word. I'm listening in the quietness. I realize in the background, there's a mourning dove cooing outside my window. He's been at it sometime but I just really started paying attention. I wonder what he is saying this early, while it's still dark outside.


Doves are resilient. Although they are the most hunted bird for their meat, they have the ability to retain their population. The doves' sorrowful sound of "woo-oo-oo" evoke a feeling of grief over the loss of a loved one. I witnessed a dove mourning once. He was sitting on the electrical wire over my drive-way. He kept cooing all day. I finally walked over to where he was above me. Then I understood. Doves mate for life. His mate lay dead on the ground above the line where he sat mourning for her. Isaiah 38:14 says, "I cried like a bird and moaned like a dove. My eyes became tired, but I continued looking to the heavens. Lord, I am so depressed. Promise to help me."


Doves are also used as symbols and to bring a positive message. During the flood, Noah sent out a dove to look for dry ground and the dove returned with an olive leaf bringing hope that the flood was receding.  When Jesus was baptized, the Spirit of God descended like a dove on Him symbolizing the Holy Spirit and as one of the figures of the Trinity. Doves have also been thought of as a symbol of peace.


A doves cooing seems to help sooth a hurting heart over the death of a loved one. I know a man who after losing his son, was sitting on his porch when a dove landed beside him, cooing, as if to say, I mourn with you.


After these thoughts, I open a devotional and read over it. Wait.... what did that say? I re-read it; "My heart is in anguish within me......I said, 'Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. I would flee far away and stay in the desert; I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm'"  ( From Psalm 55). Wow, God. You are speaking through a bird cooing and a Scripture verse!


I get that Scripture verse and I understand what David is saying. How many times have I wanted to go find reclusion from the world and hide-out! I have, at times, wanted to be alone with my grief and anguish. Times when I didn't have to be around anyone, or to face any demands of life. I think we all get to a point where we need to "get-away" and rest. Even Jesus saw the importance of this and required His disciples to do the same: "Come with Me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest" (Mark 6:31). It's necessary for a while. However, we can't stay there. Life calls. Even if we could "hide-out," "fly-away," from family and friends it isn't emotionally, mentally or spiritually healthy to be alone for long periods. We need each other.


I was forced to come away from my reclusion. I didn't want to, but it was necessary. I can see now how that actually helped me in my grief to allow others to minister to me. Also, to get my mind occupied on something beside my circumstances for a time. But most importantly, to let the grace of God be seen coming through my life. God was/is working His grace out in my life. Others need to see Jesus working in us.


Usually getting away is short-lived because there is always work to be done. Jesus' time alone was always short because there were so many needy people seeking Him out. His compassion for those people overrode his need for reclusion. Thank God for that and thank Him that He still has compassion on us and meets our needs. He's not "hiding out" somewhere.


My favorite place is the mountains. That's where I go to be alone and get some rest. Ed and I have a special place in the mountains where we love to "Fly away" and rest. It's our sanctuary.


In the last part of Psalm 55, David said, "Cast your cares on the LORD and He will sustain you." Sustain means: to give support or relief to; to supply with sustenance; Nourish; To support the weight of. Peter says something of the same, "Casting all your cares all your anxieties, all your worries, and all your concerns, once and for all on Him, for He cares about you with deepest affection, and watches over you very carefully" (1 Peter 5:7)AMP.




Maybe we should be more like doves...being strong and resilient after bad things happen through the grace and strength of the Lord, consoling the hurting and offering hope. Lasting hope can only be found in the One to whom the dove like descended: Jesus. He gives peace; the kind that passes all understanding.

Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Time To Fish

It's time to fish! The 11th Annual Gary Lindsey Memorial Benefit Firecracker Fishing Tournament is upon us. For Ed and I, it's a time to reflect on the past ten years of our life and the tournaments. Our grief hasn't gone away. It's changed. We will never be "over" it. Our loss is a life-long loss that has changed our lives, our plans, our hopes and our dreams. We've had to re-define all that.....find new plans, new dreams, and a different way of life. It's not what we would have chosen, but what has been given for purposes beyond our comprehension. Beyond what we can see.


We talk about this often, and how even though our hearts still hurt, we have been blessed in many ways. God is a good, good Father. Jesus told us in John 16:33 that we would have trouble in this world. We were never promised an easy life, an easy path. But Jesus also said He had overcome the world. He is our hope. He is our strength and our comfort. Life can be very hard, but Jesus is the Anchor.


The fishing tournament is one of the ways we have been immeasurably blest. I thank God every day for my son's life. I'm thankful for the twenty-two years and all the good memories. When we witness the fishermen and women who come and support this tournament, our hearts are warmed in ways we cannot explain. Fishing all night is not easy and yet, they come. They will never know how much they are appreciated.


The volunteers have been a topic of conversation between us also. They show up every year and know what to do, taking care of their area and we do not have to be concerned about how it's going to get done. They do it. They march in like reinforcements. What an awesome group of volunteers! We cannot begin to thank them enough or repay for all their hard work.


We understand the importance of those who sponsor and contribute by food, supplies or monetary gifts. They're the ones who make it possible to give back to our community so that helping others becomes a reality.


We can't say enough about our church family. After ten years they still support us in so many ways. They are like the believers in the book of Acts who encourage and uplift. In our eyes, they are champions. What and how do others make it without the support of  a local family of believers? We wouldn't know. What a blessing we have been given by their acts of kindness, prayers and care. "I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy." Philippians 1:3-4


Our own family's love, prayers and constant support has helped sustain us and the closeness we have is a bond that cannot be broken.


We still shed tears from our loss but also because our hearts are very grateful from the outpouring in all these many ways. Thank you doesn't seem to be enough, but we are thankful beyond measure.


Happy Fishing!

Wednesday, May 1, 2019

Hard to Swallow

Been thinking about this all week. It was our Scripture in small group Sunday morning. "James and John....came to (Jesus). "Teacher...we want you to do for us whatever we ask." "What do you want me to do for you?" He asked.
They replied, "Let one of us sit at your right and the other at your left in your glory." Mark 10:35-37. James and John were close to Jesus and yet sometimes they were spiritually dull. They, and others, had in their minds that Jesus was going to become a physical king, and out of their pride wanted to have power with Him. Totally oblivious to what they are asking, Jesus tells them so. "You don't know what you are asking." However, James and John think they understand and answer accordingly.


After Jesus death, burial and resurrection and Pentecost, Jesus words became clear and James and John would follow Him the rest of their lives. James being the first disciple to be martyred and John being exiled to the island of Patmos and the last of the twelve disciples to die.


How ironic that just a few verses following this request by James and John we have blind Bartimaeus shouting to Jesus for mercy. Here is a man who sat just outside the city gates, begging everyday. When he heard Jesus was coming, he started shouting for Him. "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!" Blind Bartimaeus knows who Jesus is. "Son of David" is a Messianic title and Bart knew Jesus, being the Messiah, could heal him. Out of his desperation to see, and in humbleness of his heart he cries out for mercy. There's no pride here, just a great need for Jesus' healing. And Jesus asked him the same question He had asked James and John. "What do you want me to do for you?" Bartimaeus response - "I want to see." Immediately, immediately Jesus healed him, "and followed Jesus along the road."


Different requests. Same question. Different responses.


Jesus asks, "What do you want me to do for you?"


I've been thinking about my prayer life and being more specific in my requests. What do I want Jesus to do for me? I know that His word says if we ask anything in His name and His will, we have what we ask for (John 14). And if we delight ourselves in Him, He will give us the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37). These desires however, must come from God and be His desires first. And when we love Him and are surrendered to Him, His desires become our desires.
Amazing, but Biblically true.


Bartimaeus asked out of his great need. Sometimes God takes us to a place of desperation because that is the only way we will come to Him. When disasters hit this country, Americans turn to God. They start praying. They attend church. Then slowly, things get better and the desperation wears off. It wears off because they felt they only needed God for a little while.


In this country, we are so rich and blessed and self-sufficient, we do not realize our great need of a Savior. We want to do our own thing, our own way, and be committed to ourselves. We are deceived into thinking we are okay, when in reality, we are "wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked" (Revelation 3:17) Not my words, Jesus words and right before He said this, He told them they were lukewarm, "neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth." Whew! Hard to swallow those words.


There is no fear of God anymore. If there was, we would be like blind Bart begging for mercy. I wish there was no need for this verse in 2 Chronicles 7:14, but since it's there, tells me we are not doing these things. "If my people (the Christians!) who are called by my name (Christians!) will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."


Life is not about us. Life is about Him. That is why we are here. He is our purpose. He is our life.


What do I want You to do for us? Jesus, I'm begging. Please have mercy.