Perspective. Sometimes I lose it. Nothing has ever put life in perspective as death. The death of my son.

During this time of so much confusion over a virus that is real and has claimed many lives, there is still chaos over what we should or shouldn't do, wear or not wear, go or not go, close down or not close down, be scared, worried and fearful or not...…. Perspective comes knocking at my door.

I don't think anything will ever affect me the way the loss of my child has. Lessons I've learned from that experience actually help me now during this time of confusion. Lessons in worry, fearfulness, and the unknown future.

Every time I lose perspective, God sees that I get it back pretty quickly. This morning spending time with Him helped me see once again.

Today is was a song; an orange tiger lily (my son's favorite); watching a mother bird care for her babies, and reminding me that God takes care of them, so how much more will He take care of me.

Already, today, these things.

In times such as these where we don't understand all that's going on, and whether there is an agenda, motives, manipulation, fight for power and authority, wealth and rule, this is what I know:
God is in control of it all. He allows and disallows. Whatever is really going on, I can rest in the fact that my God is Omniscient. He knows exactly, who, what, why, where, how and when and He watches over me, holding me, caring for me.

 Nothing escapes Him. Nothing.

"There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the LORD" (Proverbs 21:30).
He has no rival. He has no equal.
He is Sovereign King of the universe.

I don't know what will become of all that is going on, but I am not afraid or anxious anymore.

Perspective came knocking.

Year 11

Today is the 11th year of my son's passing. My heart is full, but I have no words.
I sit and think and think and think some more.
I think about God, life, death, viruses, job loss, the hurting, the broken, the sick and my son.
My mind and heart are like a game of scrabble all mixed up.
I long.
I hurt.
I love.
I pray.
I had a blog; I had two. But, no. Not today.

This is what I know:
Jesus
Jesus is enough
Jesus is everything
Jesus came to die
Jesus rose from the grave
Jesus lives
Jesus loves
Jesus is the answer
Jesus is our only hope
Jesus

A Christmas Poem

Twas the night of Christmas when all through the town,
people were stirring, they had come from all around.
The census was being taken with much care.
Hundreds came to be counted and my family was there.


The children were comfortable, all snug in their beds,
after traveling far, now warm and well fed.
Dad and I in weariness, not feeling our best,
settled down now for a good nights rest.


When up on the roof there came such a clatter,
I jumped from the bed to see what was the matter.
Up the stairs I went as in a race,
and came to the roof and wide open space.


The moon seemed blurred by a brighter light.
I looked around and beheld the sight.
When what to my startling eyes should appear,
but a star, so bright, so big and so very near!


With people now crowding around to see,
everyone was saying, how can this be?
Now from out in the fields, the shepherds came,
whistling and shouting, calling their sheep by name.


Now Wooly, Curley, now Henry and Sadie!
Over here Chloe and Bell and Little Lady!
To the top of the hill and to the sheep stall,
now hurry on, hurry on, hurry on you all!


As the clear night sky gave the star a great glow,
the angels told the shepherds what they needed to know.
So off they went with their flocks in tow,
giving God the glory to bestow.


And then in a twinkling I heard someone say,
follow the shepherds, they know the way.
As my family drew near and looked inside,
I saw a woman holding a baby by her side.


He was wrapped all in cloths from His head to His toes,
and He was sleeping; His eyes were closed.
There were animals hovering all around.
It was strange, they weren't making a sound.


His mother's eyes, how they sparkled, her smile was so kind.
Everyone came close, she didn't seem to mind.
Her husband was watching as we all stood there,
ever thoughtful and gracious showing much care.


There was something wonderful happening here,
and we all found ourselves wiping a tear.
This was the Child, who was sent from above,
to help us, to heal us and save us with love.


It is a Christmas miracle, not just a story,
that Jesus left heaven and gave up His glory.
He came into this world through the lowliest door,
so we could be redeemed and completely restored.


But have we the wonder lost,
removed Christ from Christmas? At what cost?
We are in a hurry. Too busy. Indifferent, don't care.
And we think life has treated us unfair!


When the final page has been turned,
I wonder if by then we will have learned,
that when it is all said and done,
Jesus is all that matters, He is the only One!

Intermingle / Interdependence

A few years ago I wrote a blog sharing my thoughts about feeling alone over the holidays and how I managed through them. The grief from losing a loved one brings such a loneliness to our lives. We will always have that sense that someone is missing and especially feel that when our families are together. But the loss of a loved one is not the only loss we find ourselves in. Perhaps it is the loss of a marriage, a career, or ones health. Whatever the circumstance, I want you to know, you are not alone. "God makes a home for the lonely" says Psalms 68:6.


In my last book, Great-Hearted, the very first chapter is entitled, "You Are Not Alone." This is usually the first thing we want to know when afflicted with grief and loss. Does someone understand me? Although grief is personal to each individual, there are others who have suffered before you and can relate and help you in the journey. Ultimately, God is our "ever present help in trouble" and understands us more than any human can possibly understand. However, we need each other. Ecclesiastes says "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help."


I wanted to intermingle dealing with grief over the holidays with the interdependence of family and friends. However, interdependence isn't just for the holidays... it is needed for all of life.


I'm so thankful for my own family. They have been a source of strength whether they realized it or not. Just knowing I could call on them at any moment is a comfort. This year we have a little new addition that we are absolutely crazy in-love with. Ed and I are honored that he is named after our son. The holidays have an extra blessing this year because of this little life.


 Richness isn't  having an unending supply of money and possessions but in the comradeship of good friends to which we are blessed with many.


Then we have our church family. I personally know from experience how enriched my life is because of a church family. They have helped in our grief in so many ways. There's a group of ladies I meet with every week. We've all studied the same Scripture on our own during the week, then we meet together and talk about what we learned. I have gained so much knowledge and wisdom from these gals. We hold each other accountable. We minister to each other. We pray for one another. We cry together. We've all had difficult times and some are going through hard times now. One of our books we've studied is Colossians where we found this verse, "I want you to know how much I am struggling for you ....that (you) may be encouraged in heart and unified in love." This is compassion in action. I have gained strength and comfort from my supportive group of ladies. I call them "mine" because that's how affectionate I feel toward them. We need each other in good times and in hard times.


God did not create us to live in isolation, even though sometimes in grief that's what we want to do. From the beginning, God said it wasn't good for man to be alone.






In my book, I wrote in the first chapter, "Although my family and friends were comforting and helpful and would have done anything for me, I had to learn to rely on God and the strength and peace only He could bring me." The Christ of Christmas is truly the only hope for our world and our lives. His peace is a gift and once you've experienced that, you will know you are never alone.

The Holidays and Life

The holidays and end of year is upon us. This has been an unusual year for our family. We've had some glorious times. However, this has also been a very difficult and challenging year as well.


Life can be glorious. Life can be hard. I think of our first Thanksgiving and Christmas without our son. They say the firsts are always the hardest, but I would question that. I recall Thanksgiving the second year as being almost too much to bear. This will be our eleventh season without our son.


This morning I was reading Psalm 84. "How blessed are those who make Your house their home, who live with You; they are constantly praising You. Blessed are those who make You their strength, tor they treasure every step of the journey (to Zion). On their way through the valley of Baca (weeping) they stop and dig wells to collect the refreshing spring water, and the early rains fill the pools. They journey from place to place, gaining strength along the way; until they meet God in Zion."


Did you notice how blessed one is whose strength is drawn from the Lord, who dwell with Him, who walk through the valley (not around it, through it)? They are the ones who find refreshment. Refreshment: "The process of being rested and regaining strength or energy." It doesn't just happen. We must dwell with the Lord.


The valley of weeping is that place of anguish, loneliness, heartache, loss, that we experience as we go through this pilgrimage of life. Some seasons are harder than others and completely exhausts us to walk through them.


I want to encourage your heart as one who has walked and is walking and will continue, Lord willing, to walk through the valley, to keep walking!


Those verses promise the blessing of strength when we remain in fellowship with our Lord. Draw from His well. How do we do that? Stay in His Word - keep reading it. Pour out your heart to Him.  Listen: Jesus was a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief. He knows your pain, your heartache.


Our difficult days will find fresh springs of living, life giving water through Jesus. The first part of this chapter talks of yearning, even fainting and crying out for the living God. Desperation should lead us to the living God. Also, when you are in the difficult valley, don't waste it. Use it. Help someone else going through a difficulty. They need encouragement and comfort too.


Let me encourage you today through the words of Scripture. God is your Strength, your Refuge, your Helper through the holidays and in the year to come. Whatever it may bring, "Blessed is the one who trusts in You: (Psalm 84:12)

Heavy Hearted

This morning I woke up feeling so burdened by issues going on in the world, in the church, in my friends lives, and in my family. I'm hurting for so many. Hurting to the place where I want to help "fix" things. And yet, it all seems so out-of-control!


What is the answer? The answer has always been and will always be the same. However, the world is not choosing this answer. The world is so power hungry and bent on pride. Pride will always be a downfall. Pride brings disgrace, breeds quarrels, and proceeds destruction, (per Proverbs).


There is a spirit of arrogance infiltrating our government, our denominations and our homes. He's riding on the backs of many, building up themselves and their beliefs. The ones who allow this spirit of arrogance to use them become their own gods. It's easy to become your own god; just do what you want to and believe what you want without any regard to God or His Word. Or, the Word can be taken and misinterpreted to fit the needs or wants of the interpreter. This is happening in our churches worldwide and locally. When God's laws no longer fit a lifestyle or a community, the laws are attempted to be changed to fit our culture. I laughed when I wrote that last sentence. Psalms says that God's Word stands firm in the heavens, it is eternal. Pride and arrogance makes one feel like they can change this. And God laughs, (Psalm 2:4) "But the Lord laughs at the wicked, for He knows their day is coming," (Psalm 37:13).


I'm seeing those who were strong in the faith turning their heads and looking at other options. Their beliefs are changing to fit their desires and their wills. What a dangerous place to be.


Families are breaking up because one of the members wanted their own way and relinquished their commitment, hurting all involved and causing chaos especially where children are involved.


This all hurts the heart of God. He has all the answers. Yet, few are going to Him for the answers. This sadly is Biblical. You know the gate Jesus talked about in Matthew seven was wide for those going to destruction and this is the way most will choose. The gate is narrow for those choosing the way of real, true life through Jesus - only a few find this way. So probably nothing I could write is going to "fix" anything. It just helps me vent, see more clearly, and realize how desperately I need to be on my knees praying for this lost world and my lost people.


When was the last time, or ever a time, that we have been so burdened by the lost that we wept for them on our knees and brought them before God? Intercession is a hard work. There will be spiritual warfare to keep us from doing this. I have experienced this. The enemy is out on a rampage, as the Bible says he will be in the last of the last days, and he does not want the saints praying at all. He wants them to backslide, and fall away, and have unbelief, and misinterpret the Word and the times. He's doing a good job.


Prayer is hard work and too many of us are being neglectful or we are only speaking surface prayers. Jesus said to go into our rooms and close the door......shut out the world, and pray.


It will change us. It can change the world.


About my being burdened: In our ladies Bible study I'm supposed to be memorizing these verses; "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30). I'm going to get right on that!


Funny, this is not at all what I intended to write about when I began writing this morning. Maybe it's what God wanted written, for me to adhere to and for someone else perhaps. The other blog will have to wait.

Gary's Hunting Song

I dreamed I was with Ed's sister and brother and we were leaving for the airport to fly to another country. I was excited but nervous because I had never flown. On the way to the airport, I remembered I didn't bring my perfume and insisted we go back to get it, which we did. We hurried and made it to the airport on time but were rushed. As I'm quickly walking to my plane, I suddenly realized I hadn't told Gary I was headed out of the country and I needed to tell him this. In my dream, this ache in my chest arose as I recalled I hadn't had contact with him in a long time. I was trying to figure out why on earth we had not talked! The need to do so at that moment was overwhelming. Stopping in my tracks, and looking at my phone, I watched my finger push the numbers of his cell phone and it was the correct number. It rang and rang and all the while it's ringing, my heart is aching with anticipation to talk with him before I leave. That's when I woke up.

I know partly why I had the dream. I have an insatiable need to talk to my son. That desire never goes away. Neither does the desire to mother. The phone ringing and ringing is like the place I am in now - waiting and waiting. While I'm in this waiting period, I want to honor my son's memory, to help someone else in their loss,  point a hurting world to their only hope and true comfort, Jesus.

My son's last fall deer hunt was in 2008. On November 25th of that year, he wrote a song. The song tells how much he loved the sport of deer hunting. After Gary passed away, I gave the words to a singer/songwriter friend and ask if he would create music to the words, so it would become a complete song. Sadly, my friend passed away too.

To honor my son on his 33rd birthday, October 27, I want to share his words because I was/am proud of him and his expression of his love for the sport. I think if he were here reading back over his words, he would chuckle. I also think that if he were here, he would still be hunting and fishing. Gary loved life and he lived a full twenty-two years. For that I am thankful.

Happy birthday in heaven my precious son. I love and miss you with everything in me. This waiting is hard. When I get to heaven, let's sit and talk for a long while. I have so much to say to you.

                                                                   That Ole Tree

 All of us know the hard times at work, but there is a place out there where all your troubles can go away, that all the bad times are put behind you, and the good times are today!!

 Here we go to the place I want to be. I want to be sittin’ in That Ole Tree, waiting to see what I can see, in that frosty cold morning air, work is calling but I don’t care, cause I am sittin’ in That Ole Tree.

 I have a bow in my hand huntin’ on private land.  Can’t wait to see what I can see, sittin, waitin for a Buck in That Ole Tree.  While the buck gets closer my heart beats faster, I’ve shot my bow all summer I should shoot like a master.

 Here we go to the place I want to be. I want to be sittin’ in That Ole Tree, waitin to see what I can see, in that frosty cold morning air, work is calling but I don’t care, cause I am sittin’ in That Ole Tree. 

Here he comes down the trail right to my tree, I pull my bow back and shoot…….I look up at the sky and thank God for the day, cause right below my tree he lay,

 Cause here we go to the place I want to be, I want to be sittin’ in That Ole Tree, waiting to see what I can see, in that frosty cold morning air, work is calling but I don’t care, cause I am sittin in That Ole Tree.