Reminders

All I wanted was a child. After enduring health problems, surgery, and more health problems, it did happen. This little creation was my child, my baby. When the day finally arrived, I heard his soft cry—like a little lamb. I immediately wanted to hold my baby! But they rushed him away and I had to wait to see him. In my heart I kept saying, please hurry, I want my baby! Finally, they placed him in my arms, and yes, God, I heard you speak in my heart, “He’s My child.” I very clearly heard You and I had a choice to make. I knew what to do. I decided this: “He is Your child, God.  Thank You for him.” I prayed every day for that baby, little boy, teenager, young man, and every day You reminded me that he was Yours.

In my heart, I knew he was special and that You had unique plans for his life. I could not wait to see what you were going to do through him. Then You took him away from me!  My thoughts changed. What about those special plans? God, I prayed for him every day! I don’t understand! Wait! Don’t let this happen!

                                                              From: Peering Through a Mist

So many times, I have thought about the daily reminders God gave me when my son was alive. I really believed God reminded me daily that my son belonged to Him because I was going to witness those unique plans worked out in his life.  When, instead, his life was taken from him.

I remember the morning I was screaming out to God that I did not understand. What were You doing? Why would You do this to me, to him, to his dad? This did not make sense and I was angry, confused and suffering. I cried from the depths of my soul doubting everything I ever believed about God. How could He do this to us?

From somewhere within my heart, came the answer that quieted and comforted my anguished thoughts: I reminded you every day that your son belonged to Me, so that now, while you are grieving, you will be comforted knowing Gary belonged to Me. He is with Me. You will never have to worry about him again. He is safe. He is in My arms. He is loved. He is cared for, deeply. He is all right.

I am so often reminded that God’s ways are not our ways, nor are His thoughts, our thoughts. Before all my suffering, I had confidence that God worked in my life in ways I could understand. Now that understanding has been trampled down. However, this is not a bad thing. I have learned that in my grief and lack of knowledge over my circumstances, trust has grown in its place.  Moreover, my faith, which has been tested to the limit, is stronger than ever.  Oswald Chambers said, “Faith by its very nature must be tried, and the real trial of faith is not that we find it difficult to trust God, but that God’s character has to be cleared in our own minds. Faith in the Bible is faith in God against everything that contradicts Him—I will remain true to God’s character whatever He may do. ‘Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.’”