Resurgence. This word came up in a book I was reading. I don't hear this word much but it has stuck in my mind ever since. It means, "a rising again into life, activity."
I think back to ten years ago. I will never forget the phone call - the call no one ever wants to receive: our son's boat had been found parked on the lake bank with the engine running and he was not in it.
And the nightmare began.
The whirlwind of my heart and mind started thinking of all the different scenarios that could, or could not be going on. My first thought was that my son had parked his boat on the bank and gone turkey hunting. No. The person who called 911 saw his unmanned boat on the other side of the lake. Then the next thought; he's injured and lying on a bank. No. We all searched for him. Following; someone has done something to him. No. There was no evidence of that. The unavoidable last and worst thought; he drowned. Please God, No! I hate that word drown. I hate death. I hate sin which causes all those words I hate.
I think about all the people God has placed in our path since that horrible day and the losses they have incurred. They have words they hate too: Cancer. Suicide. Care wreck. Murder. Etc. And when someone who hasn't experienced one of these tragedies uses the hated word in an illustrative or sometimes flippant manner, we cringe. For instance; we had a speaker at church one evening using the overhead screen. He used my hated word in an illustration about those who are "drowning in debt," "drowning in sin," and the picture that was displayed on the screen was a hand coming out of the water.
I don't know to this day why I didn't just get up and walk out. The torture my mind was envisioning was more than I could bear. The use of my hated word was more than I could stand.
Death, and I believe especially the death of a child, changes everything. It has changed our thought process, our emotions, our perceptions, the way we live, and it has changed our faith. And the odd thing about tragedy and loss when given to God and trusting Him to help us, He will use it for His glory all the while strengthening us to go on. It's really astonishing in hindsight of how He has worked in our life.
There is a "Resurgence of sorts" to these areas of our life and even beyond. There was a time in the first couple of years after our son passed away that I didn't see a resurgence of anything. I wanted to die. The grief was too much to bear. But I held on desperately to my only hope, Jesus. There are times even now when I'm not feeling a resurgence of anything and I just want to be alone and dwell in my sadness. However, God is always working on my behalf, and yours, and He uses the good times as well as the sad times.
In the resurgence of our thought process, we are now so keenly aware of the brevity of life. We do not know if we will awaken each morning or if by the end of the day we will still be here. We just don't know. Our son had plans for the evening, plans for the weekend. He had plans. We can make our plans, but God has the final say. So, we should live each day as if it were our last.
Our emotional resurgent state of mind and heart has become so much more compassionate. We feel deeply for someone else going through a life-altering tragedy. We love more, care more, and are moved intensely over situations causing grief and loss and we want to share with them the comfort God has brought to us.
There are so many things in life not worth getting worked up over and these things become so obvious when a child dies. Perspective instantly increases. Everything goes into perspective. Everything.
Ed and I have been amazed at the people God has placed in our lives and the opportunities He has given us. We have witnessed the impossible (in our minds, but not with God) being worked out through us. Faith grows stronger when we give our heartaches, our lack of understanding, our sorrows to Jesus. He is the Man of sorrows and pain, acquainted with grief (Isaiah 53:3), whose grace is sufficient in every and all circumstances (2 Corinthians 12:9). It is through difficulties, hardships, and our weaknesses that God can reveal Himself in ways that were never known before our loss. Sorrow can grow your faith. He is the strength, comfort, and peace we desperately need and that He alone can give.
We can say we have experienced a resurgence of life because of our loss. A resurgence we would probably have never known otherwise. We would have wanted to experience this growth while enjoying our son still with us. However, that is not reality. Sometimes reality is hard to live with. The pain is still with us. The loss is felt every minute of every day. We are lonely without our son and the future he might have had. It is a loneliness that is not understood except for the very few who are in the same place we are. Our hearts hurt for the "might have been."
I cling to Isaiah 40:31, "Those who trust in the LORD will find new strength." Another version say "regain their strength." I think of it this way: Those who trust (wait for, expect, look for, and hope in) the Lord will find a "Resurgence of Strength." "They will lift up their wings (and rise up close to God) like eagles (rising toward the sun); They will run and not become weary, They will walk and not grow tired." (Amp)
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