Obviously Jesus wanted and needed fishermen as His first followers.

 Jesus saw Simon and Andrew, his brother fishing. He said to them, "follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men." Immediately they followed.

Then Jesus saw James and his brother John in their boat mending their nets. Immediately they also followed.

 Fishermen have good qualities about them. Fishing an all-nighter requires stamina and perseverance. They have patience to wait for that expected bite on the lure. The two fishermen in the boat have to agree on where to fish, so they work putting their heads together deciding on the best fishing holes. They are persistent in their search of finding fish, and have lots of faith, knowing eventually, they are going to catch a bag. Fishermen never give up easily; they aren't quitters. Even if nothing bites today, tomorrow is another hopeful day.

Thinking back on my son, I remember his patience, even as a boy, fishing the same hole for hours hoping for a bite. He knew the fish were there, he just had to figure out the right lure and technique.

Jesus saw these qualities in the fishermen and knew He could work through and use them for His glory......winning souls. So He said, "Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men." And immediately they followed.

Although Jesus' desire is for all to follow Him, it warms my heart to know the first four people he asked, were fishermen. Not the religious leaders and teachers of the day, but fishermen. They were willing. They were teachable. They were committed and not just to the cause of Jesus, but to Jesus Himself.

When we are in a personal relationship with Jesus, we want to go out fishing for the souls of others who don't know Him personally. This is what we are called to do. Jesus says to us today, "Come, follow Me and I will show you to to fish for people."

Open you heart to hear the call.

Remember My Chains

 Remember my chains. These words have weight. Spoken from someone expressing affliction and sorrow. These words come from a lonely place. Chains imply imprisonment. I also sense strength in these words that come from Paul. They are from the very last verse in his letter to the Colossians which he wrote while in prison, in chains. If you ever wonder how Christians should live, read Colossians.

Paul's chains didn't prevent him from spreading the gospel or from encouraging believers. As a matter of fact, his chains produced many letters that we have recorded in the New Testament.

These words of Paul's didn't have an inclination of self-pity or discouragement. No. He persevered. He kept to the course. Why? How? Because he knew the Lord. He experienced Jesus. He was confident of Whom he believed and placed his trust in.

James tells us to have joy when we are experiencing trials and afflictions and persecutions and chains. This book tells us we will face times like these in our lives. Another versions says, we fall into trials and afflictions. Plunged into them. Not something we would ask for or choose, but they occur because we live in a sin-filled world.

Why should we consider it joy? Remember joy isn't about being happy but knowing these afflictions produce something in us; patience. This word comes from the Greek word hupomone and means to stay; abide; remain. It places us in a position of endurance.

Faith is tested through trials. No doubt about it. Trials will reveal what we are made of. Trials are not a one-time thing as we all know, but are ongoing. Some are worse and more tragic than others. Nevertheless, ongoing.

I think about Job, one of the most tested men who ever lived. He never lost faith. Satan was allowed to tragically destroy his children and possessions. Though Job never received an explanation from God of his tragedies, he did receive a knowledge about God he had never known before. This is what God wants for us: to know Him. When I read Job, I realize he and his wife experienced a grief that is more tragic than mine. He is an example to me of what to do with my grief.

Jesus told Peter that Satan had asked to sift him like wheat. We all have sifting that needs to be done but I sure don't like the thought of Satan asking for permission to sift me! Yet, I feel he tried to destroy my faith. And this is what he does. This is his purpose; to destroy our faith. Don't let him.

Faith grows during times of testing. This I know. However, it can also disappear. It all depends on what you do with your afflictions. James tells us to ask God for wisdom. Wisdom from God will teach us what to do with the trials we are personally encountering. If we turn to God and ask for His help, the Word tells us right here in James that He will give it, and generously. We must ask for it. Another place in James says we don't have because we don't ask. So, ask and believe you will receive. No doubting allowed. Doubts produce nothing and we should expect nothing from God when we ask doubting Him.

Remember my chains. As I am keenly aware of my own ongoing afflictions, trials and chains, I also place my trust in the One who knows all about them. Like Hezekiah in 2 Kings, I lay it all out before the Lord and pray. Talk to God and believe He is ready and able. Use the afflictions for the glory of God. Like Paul and Job and Peter, let it grow our faith and help us to endure all that we now are enduring and what may come in the future.

Bad News

 It is something most of us have experienced at some point in our lives. Bad news.

There's a verse in the Bible I used to read over quickly because I didn't like the words bad news. Bad news, meaning, your health has deteriorated; family is suffering in some way; losing a job or struggling in business; financial pressures; culture's ways; politics; anxiety; death or grief. I'm sure I left something out. Everyday has so much going on right now that we could fear all the bad news.

The verse I hurriedly passed over is about the Christian, (they) "will have no fear of bad news" (evil tidings, fear or dread of what may come). Why should they not fear? "Because their heart is steadfast", (firm, secure) "trusting," (confidently relying on and believing) "in the LORD" (Psalm 112:7).

For me, it was the telephone call making me aware of the bad news.

So I didn't like reading this verse because the first thing I did when I got the dreaded news, was FEAR! Fear overtook me. Fear for my son and for his life. My mind was a whirlwind trying to process all the scenarios this bad news could possibly mean, because at the time I received it, so much was unknown.

How can someone be calm in fearful circumstances? Does this mean my heart wasn't steadfast and trusting in the Lord?

My sisters and nieces have a saying about us: when hearing some dreaded news or news we are not even sure at the time whether it is bad or not, the first thing we do is PANIC! Then we settle down and start thinking about it rationally. But the fear and panic come first.

F.B. Meyer said about this verse, "There cannot be evil tidings to the soul which has fixed its trust in the Lord....if tidings were to come to you to-day of disease, loss, bereavement, death, they could not be evil if your heart dares to maintain a fixed trust in God; for such trust robs death of its sting, and the grave of its victory. I cannot understand, but I can trust Him." 

"I cannot understand, but I can trust Him." There's so much I don't understand! But I have learned to trust Him in my loss. Now to keep trusting Him in ALL things.

Meyer also said, "As we pour out our bitterness, God pours in His peace." So pouring out our hearts to God is Biblical (Psalm 62:8). Pour out the hurt, sorrow, bitterness and fear. And about that peace, Jesus said in John 14:27, "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

We are to run to the One who can calm our hearts, even in the midst of horrific turmoil, and hold to His promises of peace, comfort, faithfulness and hope.

Charles Spurgeon wrote a devotion about this one verse. He said, (I'm paraphrasing), if we are distressed by bad news and evil tidings, how are we any different from the non-Christian? A person who is not a Christian is alarmed and in fear when hearing of bad news and thinks God has dealt harshly with them. They are rebellious against God and provoke Him. However, we profess to be of another spirit and we have a hope and our hearts live in heaven. If we give way to our fears when we hear of bad news, we will be unable to meet it in a way that sustains under adversity. He said, if you are a coward, how can you glorify God? Take courage and believe, rely, and have confidence upon God's faithfulness. "Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

Did you notice both Meyer and Spurgeon spoke of being courageous? Meyer said "if your heart dares," (to be sufficiently courageous), "to maintain a fixed trust in God." Spurgeon said a coward cannot glorify God. This is something I have learned (and still learning), about grieving and why I entitled my third book Great-Hearted. It means, bold, brave, courageous, and.....fearless! The answer to our fears is to run to Jesus. Others run after things of the world that will never satisfy their fear or their longings. Nothing will calm an anxious, despairing, fearful heart like Jesus. He is our comfort and peace in these times and in our personal bad news. Running is ongoing, never ending. For me, it is a daily function. I have to keep my heart steadfast in God's Word and in communication with Him, or I will get discouraged. And how quickly discouragement can come knocking at the door! Beware of discouragement. It is one of Satan's tactics to get at the Christian.

One more quote from Meyer that is a good reminder about calming our fear, "It is tomorrow that fills men with dread. God is there already. All the tomorrows of our life have to pass Him before they can get to us."

Jesus goes before us, walks beside us and leads the way. Trust Him in all your life and fearful circumstances. Be steadfast oh my heart!

 

Running Out of Days

 Last year was a hard year for my family in many ways. However, we also experienced many joys. But we were thankful it was over and ready to move forward with 2020....only to meet a whole new and different kind of problems and perplexities. Along with all the world issues, divisions, chaos, sicknesses, and our own personal problems, my husband and I have experienced some health issues as well.

 My husband has this saying for us, "When we wake up tomorrow, it will be something else hurting on our bodies." Well, maybe, but I want to think more positive.

Like never before, the information given us on a daily basis is more than we can process in our minds. The news and fake news consumes the TV and newspaper and our thoughts. Our world seems to be falling apart at times. Our bodies seem to be falling apart at times! How do we handle all that's thrown at us every moment of the day?

Psalm 90 was written by Moses, "the man of God." My commentary says Moses was also "God's man, chosen of God, inspired by God, honored of God, and faithful to God."

He starts out telling God that throughout every generation, He is our dwelling place, meaning He is our refuge, our shelter, our protection, our HOME.

Ed and I have been talking about our earthly home. We love our home, our yard, our back porch. It's a peaceful place. We are homebodies, not wanting to be away from it very long. It's our place of rest and relaxation, where we can just be ourselves. We have lived in our home almost thirty years. It's our place of refuge from the world.

This is what God wants us to find in Him........Home.

"Come to Me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  Jesus

Psalm 90:12 says, "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Before this verse, Moses talked about how frail we humans are. We are like "new grass in the morning....by evening it is dry and withered." Oh, some days I'm feeling that!

Not to be morbid, but he says here that we finish our days with a moan and that the length of our days is seventy years, maybe 80 if we have the strength. Well, if you're like us and have surpassed sixty, then our eyes widen a little more when we read this.

We don't normally live everyday thinking about dying. I did for a while, after my son passed away. I wanted for God to just let me die. I wasn't suicidal, I was in anguish and devastated. But God didn't allow that. I had to endure and I did because I found my "Home" in God.

Considering the shortness of our life is something we need to think about. How fast it speeds by. How do we use our days rightly and gain a heart of wisdom? By going "Home" to our dwelling place every morning. God awaits us. He offers us peace of mind and heart, comfort and strength for the day. This day. One day at a time. He also offers us a place to pour out our requests and be ourselves with Him. He know our hearts and thoughts anyway, so why not speak them to Him. For me, there's something about saying it out loud that confirms it. There's something about writing it down that seals it. He hears. He sees.

God is the only One who can satisfy our hearts - even while enduring sickness, broken bodies, grief, heartache, loss, world issues, etc. So while our days are running out quickly, how will we spend them? 

Today, Lord, take our frailties and "satisfy us in the morning with Your unfailing love." Give us joy for our days and let Your beauty be upon us. Live through us and "establish the work of our hands" for Your glory.

I'm coming Home!

Can He Sit With Us?

Do you think about what heaven will be like? If you have a loved one there, the tendency is to reflect on this. Sometimes, God gives us a glimpse to what heaven will be like.

 I've been in Matthew chapter eight. I can't seem to move forward because I'm finding so much there for contemplation. 

In this chapter:
By the touch and willingness of Jesus a leper is healed
By the word and readiness of Jesus a servant is healed
By the touch of Jesus Peter's mother-in-law is healed
By the power of Jesus he teaches that following Him is costly
By the power and word of Jesus, the sick and demon-possessed are healed and freed
By the rebuke of Jesus, a storm is calmed

Just by His touch
Just by His willingness
Just by a word
Just by His readiness

Just by His Power
Just by His rebuke

And the disciples are asking, "What kind of man is this?" He heals. He sleeps from exhaustion. He preaches. He calms a storm.He casts out demons. He is spoken to by demons who were terrified of Him. Those demons in the demon-possessed men knew what kind of man this was. They asked of Jesus, "What do you want with us, Son of God?" He's the God-Man. Oh, and by the way, He is the sinless, perfect Son of God regardless of who says or thinks otherwise.

I would encourage anyone reading this to further study this chapter. There is so much here that I haven't even touched with my words. However, to get to the part I wanted to write about, we have to go back to the servant that was healed. He belonged to a Centurion; a Gentile; a Roman soldier.

This Centurion was begging Jesus to help because his servant was in terrible suffering. He never asked Jesus to come to his house because he respected the fact that Jesus was a Jew and didn't want to put Him in the awkward position of entering a Gentiles home. But Jesus shows no partiality. He's ready and willing to go heal the servant. The Centurion tells Jesus, "Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, 'Go,' and he goes; and that one, 'Come,' and he comes. I say to my servant, 'Do this,' and he does it." Jesus marvels at this Gentiles' faith and says to those listening, "I tell you the truth, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith. I say to you that many will come from the east and the west, and will take their places at the feast with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven." Then he tells the Centurion to go, and his servant would be healed just as he believed he would.

Here is our glimpse into heaven and I love what Jesus tells us here! We are going to sit down to a dinner, a feast, and have great company and fellowship! We will enjoy each other while we are resting and feasting! And people from all over, believers from the east and the west, will visit and get to know each other, even Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Since Jesus said this, It is so. It will happen.

About this verse, Charles Spurgeon said, "Ye shall hear those loved voices again, ye shall hear those sweet voices once more, ye shall yet know that those whom ye loved have been loved by God" (from Enduring Word).

And here is my prayer: Jesus, can Gary, our precious son who is already with You, sit right between me and Ed at this feast so we can love on him, get caught up and talk to him, touch him, and just sit and enjoy his company? I am so looking forward to this day. Mostly because my Savior will be there. Because of Him and the salvation He offers all of us, we will see Him face to face and be reunited with our believing loved ones. What a day that will be and not just a day, but forever!

I. Can't. Wait.

Another request, and it's for the second part of the verse with a glimpse of heaven.....there is a hell. "But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth:" Jesus, please open their eyes while there's still time. Show them their great need of You. It's not too late to be saved this very moment. Come to Jesus

I Am Going Fishing - 12th Annual

One of my son's favorite singers was Randy Travis. And one of his favorite songs by Randy was Keep Your Lure In The Water. I still have a vivid picture in my mind of Gary sitting in his boat, working on his lures and singing that song.

After Gary passed away, my sister put a CD together with his favorite songs and wrote on the top of the CD, "Gary's Mix." I love listening to his favorite songs. Three of these songs were played at his funeral because I knew he would want that. Recently, as I was listening to the Randy Travis song, I thought about its meaning.

When Jesus first called the disciples in Luke 5, they had been fishing all night and hadn't caught a thing. Jesus tells them to launch out into deep water. Peter follows the instructions and they caught so many fish their nets started to break and boats started to sink! Peter recognized the great miracle and fell at Jesus knees. Then Jesus tells them, "From now on you will catch men." Fishers of men.

They followed Jesus and made their life with Him. Now Jesus has been arrested, crucified and risen from the dead and had already appeared to His disciples. But where was the Lord now? What do they do next? Peter was uncertain of what to do, so he does what he does best and says "I am going fishing." And some of the disciples go with him. (John 21).

They caught nothing! How boring to fish all night without even a bite! If you're in a tournament, this will cause you to lose heart of winning. It's very tiring too. At least if you're catching fish the adrenaline is pumping. But sometimes it's just disappointing.

Peter was used to catching lots of fish. This night I'm sure he wondered if there were any fish left in the lake. Not. Even. A. Bite.

Life can be like this. All is going well, (catching lots of fish), then, the bottom drops out and disappointment after disappointment floods us, for whatever reason. And there seems like no hope, (not even a bite).

Don't give up. Peter fished all night and nothing, but he was still out in the lake fishing when Someone from the bank yells - "Are they Biting? Have you caught anything?"

And the answer was …….NO.

Then comes a reply, "Fish on the right side of the boat."  What?? Are you serious???

Life, and especially right now, can be so hard to understand. Confusion is everywhere. We can't even have a normal fishing tournament because of all the turmoil!

For some reason, Peter and the others turned to fish from the right side of their boat. Why did they choose to follow advice of Someone, at this point, they didn't even recognize? Maybe they were willing to change their method. Try another lure. Remembering what happened before with the miraculous catch. They didn't know it was Jesus giving the instruction. They were not so stubborn and set in their ways that they couldn't listen to advice. Sometimes good instruction from God comes in unexpected ways.

And they caught so many fish they couldn't haul them in!

Now they recognize that it is Jesus. Peter jumps out of the boat and swims as fast and hard as he can to get to Him. Jesus has breakfast ready. I find this interesting and comforting to know that God cares about things that concern us. Even the small things, like catching fish, using the right lure, preparing breakfast for them because He knew they were hungry and tired. It's not just the major life events and issues God cares about. When we realize how much Jesus loves us and is concerned about us more than anyone else, we throw off all that keeps us from Him so we can quickly get to where He is. And when we get to Him, He provides nourishment for our body and souls.

One of the things I love about this true story is that the Bible is accurate. It tells us exactly how many fish were caught  -  153.

This Scripture ends with Jesus giving Peter restoration and with that came instructions......feed My sheep. As the song goes, "From now on you're a fisher of men....There are souls to be caught everywhere in this old world......Go where hearts are plenty, don't just drift with the tide, Keep your lure in the water, in the waters of life."

Jesus wants us to be fishers of people. He wants us to use the right lure, (Himself and His Word), and to keep it in the water, (Living Water of Jesus Christ). To keep on keeping on in times like these, "When the sea is troubled and it's hard to stay afloat." To not give up or give in but stay connected, (hooked), to Him.

Keep Your Lure In The Living Waters of Jesus Christ.

Going Fishing!

For Friends in Affliction

Afflicted: - grievously affected or troubled, mentally or physically;
                 - to cause pain or suffering 
                 - to distress so severely as to cause persistent suffering or anguish

"It was good for me to be afflicted." (Psalm 119:71)

WHAT??

"He has led me and made me walk in darkness and not in light." (Lamentations 3:2)

WHAT??

Why would God allow such horrors and heartache to come into our life?
I asked this question many times after losing my son. I could not wrap my mind and heart around a good God allowing so much pain and anguish.

Although the Bible does not say who wrote Psalms 119, most Scholars agree it was David, who composed it throughout his life.
Lamentations was written by Jeremiah and is the book of mourning and grief over the conquest of Jerusalem and the kingdom of Judah. If you read Lamentations in its entirety, it will cause your heart to hurt and bring you to tears over the horrific and tragic things that took place.  Things that I can't even imagine.

So back to the question of why (and it's okay to ask why), that God would actually lead us into a dark place? The answer comes in the second half of the verse from Psalm 119; "so that I might learn Your decrees."
So that I may cry out to Jesus for help.
So that I will pour out my heart for His strength and endurance
So that I may know my Creator

It's good to be in the dark if it's by the Lord's leading because it has purpose. It's at the bottom place, dark and desolate place, where we find the Rock to climb up to. Then we start making our way back up. This is the place where hope is rekindled.

Affliction is a teacher if we allow affliction to grow us and make us better. Sadly, many choose the path of anger, bitterness, depression, cynicism, etc and turn their backs on the only One who can truly help and identify with us. Yes, Identify. Jesus was a "man of sorrows and familiar with suffering. Surely He took up our pain and bore our suffering." He was afflicted for us. (Isaiah 53)

He knows pain, heartache, loss and anguish.

Sometimes all we can do is be still and wait. Be still and seek. Be still and know that He is God.
That's hard for us today in our fast pace society with so much to do. But God is worth the wait.
He is worth the time to seek. You will never regret this.

After Jeremiah grieves, mourns, cries out and asked God where He is and why He hasn't shown up, he makes this statement: "Yet".....I like this word. This word in itself is saying, "hold on! There's something more!" It means, Nevertheless; However. "Yet, this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD'S great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."

Not consumed with affliction. Not destroyed. Not devoured. Not depleted.
Because there's something more! Hope in Jesus. He is faithful. Always. This is why we can't stay in the dark place. We must start making our way back up while clinging to the Rock.

Keep enduring. The word enduring means, abiding, continuing. The only way we can do this in a spiritually healthy way is to endure with Jesus. "Endurance inspired by hope." (1 Thess. 1:3)

Our afflictions won't last forever. In fact, they are nearly over. This life is the shortest part of eternity. We have so much to look forward to. 

Keep on keeping on my friend in affliction!

Perspective. Sometimes I lose it. Nothing has ever put life in perspective as death. The death of my son.

During this time of so much confusion over a virus that is real and has claimed many lives, there is still chaos over what we should or shouldn't do, wear or not wear, go or not go, close down or not close down, be scared, worried and fearful or not...…. Perspective comes knocking at my door.

I don't think anything will ever affect me the way the loss of my child has. Lessons I've learned from that experience actually help me now during this time of confusion. Lessons in worry, fearfulness, and the unknown future.

Every time I lose perspective, God sees that I get it back pretty quickly. This morning spending time with Him helped me see once again.

Today is was a song; an orange tiger lily (my son's favorite); watching a mother bird care for her babies, and reminding me that God takes care of them, so how much more will He take care of me.

Already, today, these things.

In times such as these where we don't understand all that's going on, and whether there is an agenda, motives, manipulation, fight for power and authority, wealth and rule, this is what I know:
God is in control of it all. He allows and disallows. Whatever is really going on, I can rest in the fact that my God is Omniscient. He knows exactly, who, what, why, where, how and when and He watches over me, holding me, caring for me.

 Nothing escapes Him. Nothing.

"There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the LORD" (Proverbs 21:30).
He has no rival. He has no equal.
He is Sovereign King of the universe.

I don't know what will become of all that is going on, but I am not afraid or anxious anymore.

Perspective came knocking.

Year 11

Today is the 11th year of my son's passing. My heart is full, but I have no words.
I sit and think and think and think some more.
I think about God, life, death, viruses, job loss, the hurting, the broken, the sick and my son.
My mind and heart are like a game of scrabble all mixed up.
I long.
I hurt.
I love.
I pray.
I had a blog; I had two. But, no. Not today.

This is what I know:
Jesus
Jesus is enough
Jesus is everything
Jesus came to die
Jesus rose from the grave
Jesus lives
Jesus loves
Jesus is the answer
Jesus is our only hope
Jesus

A Christmas Poem

Twas the night of Christmas when all through the town,
people were stirring, they had come from all around.
The census was being taken with much care.
Hundreds came to be counted and my family was there.


The children were comfortable, all snug in their beds,
after traveling far, now warm and well fed.
Dad and I in weariness, not feeling our best,
settled down now for a good nights rest.


When up on the roof there came such a clatter,
I jumped from the bed to see what was the matter.
Up the stairs I went as in a race,
and came to the roof and wide open space.


The moon seemed blurred by a brighter light.
I looked around and beheld the sight.
When what to my startling eyes should appear,
but a star, so bright, so big and so very near!


With people now crowding around to see,
everyone was saying, how can this be?
Now from out in the fields, the shepherds came,
whistling and shouting, calling their sheep by name.


Now Wooly, Curley, now Henry and Sadie!
Over here Chloe and Bell and Little Lady!
To the top of the hill and to the sheep stall,
now hurry on, hurry on, hurry on you all!


As the clear night sky gave the star a great glow,
the angels told the shepherds what they needed to know.
So off they went with their flocks in tow,
giving God the glory to bestow.


And then in a twinkling I heard someone say,
follow the shepherds, they know the way.
As my family drew near and looked inside,
I saw a woman holding a baby by her side.


He was wrapped all in cloths from His head to His toes,
and He was sleeping; His eyes were closed.
There were animals hovering all around.
It was strange, they weren't making a sound.


His mother's eyes, how they sparkled, her smile was so kind.
Everyone came close, she didn't seem to mind.
Her husband was watching as we all stood there,
ever thoughtful and gracious showing much care.


There was something wonderful happening here,
and we all found ourselves wiping a tear.
This was the Child, who was sent from above,
to help us, to heal us and save us with love.


It is a Christmas miracle, not just a story,
that Jesus left heaven and gave up His glory.
He came into this world through the lowliest door,
so we could be redeemed and completely restored.


But have we the wonder lost,
removed Christ from Christmas? At what cost?
We are in a hurry. Too busy. Indifferent, don't care.
And we think life has treated us unfair!


When the final page has been turned,
I wonder if by then we will have learned,
that when it is all said and done,
Jesus is all that matters, He is the only One!

Intermingle / Interdependence

A few years ago I wrote a blog sharing my thoughts about feeling alone over the holidays and how I managed through them. The grief from losing a loved one brings such a loneliness to our lives. We will always have that sense that someone is missing and especially feel that when our families are together. But the loss of a loved one is not the only loss we find ourselves in. Perhaps it is the loss of a marriage, a career, or ones health. Whatever the circumstance, I want you to know, you are not alone. "God makes a home for the lonely" says Psalms 68:6.


In my last book, Great-Hearted, the very first chapter is entitled, "You Are Not Alone." This is usually the first thing we want to know when afflicted with grief and loss. Does someone understand me? Although grief is personal to each individual, there are others who have suffered before you and can relate and help you in the journey. Ultimately, God is our "ever present help in trouble" and understands us more than any human can possibly understand. However, we need each other. Ecclesiastes says "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help."


I wanted to intermingle dealing with grief over the holidays with the interdependence of family and friends. However, interdependence isn't just for the holidays... it is needed for all of life.


I'm so thankful for my own family. They have been a source of strength whether they realized it or not. Just knowing I could call on them at any moment is a comfort. This year we have a little new addition that we are absolutely crazy in-love with. Ed and I are honored that he is named after our son. The holidays have an extra blessing this year because of this little life.


 Richness isn't  having an unending supply of money and possessions but in the comradeship of good friends to which we are blessed with many.


Then we have our church family. I personally know from experience how enriched my life is because of a church family. They have helped in our grief in so many ways. There's a group of ladies I meet with every week. We've all studied the same Scripture on our own during the week, then we meet together and talk about what we learned. I have gained so much knowledge and wisdom from these gals. We hold each other accountable. We minister to each other. We pray for one another. We cry together. We've all had difficult times and some are going through hard times now. One of our books we've studied is Colossians where we found this verse, "I want you to know how much I am struggling for you ....that (you) may be encouraged in heart and unified in love." This is compassion in action. I have gained strength and comfort from my supportive group of ladies. I call them "mine" because that's how affectionate I feel toward them. We need each other in good times and in hard times.


God did not create us to live in isolation, even though sometimes in grief that's what we want to do. From the beginning, God said it wasn't good for man to be alone.






In my book, I wrote in the first chapter, "Although my family and friends were comforting and helpful and would have done anything for me, I had to learn to rely on God and the strength and peace only He could bring me." The Christ of Christmas is truly the only hope for our world and our lives. His peace is a gift and once you've experienced that, you will know you are never alone.

The Holidays and Life

The holidays and end of year is upon us. This has been an unusual year for our family. We've had some glorious times. However, this has also been a very difficult and challenging year as well.


Life can be glorious. Life can be hard. I think of our first Thanksgiving and Christmas without our son. They say the firsts are always the hardest, but I would question that. I recall Thanksgiving the second year as being almost too much to bear. This will be our eleventh season without our son.


This morning I was reading Psalm 84. "How blessed are those who make Your house their home, who live with You; they are constantly praising You. Blessed are those who make You their strength, tor they treasure every step of the journey (to Zion). On their way through the valley of Baca (weeping) they stop and dig wells to collect the refreshing spring water, and the early rains fill the pools. They journey from place to place, gaining strength along the way; until they meet God in Zion."


Did you notice how blessed one is whose strength is drawn from the Lord, who dwell with Him, who walk through the valley (not around it, through it)? They are the ones who find refreshment. Refreshment: "The process of being rested and regaining strength or energy." It doesn't just happen. We must dwell with the Lord.


The valley of weeping is that place of anguish, loneliness, heartache, loss, that we experience as we go through this pilgrimage of life. Some seasons are harder than others and completely exhausts us to walk through them.


I want to encourage your heart as one who has walked and is walking and will continue, Lord willing, to walk through the valley, to keep walking!


Those verses promise the blessing of strength when we remain in fellowship with our Lord. Draw from His well. How do we do that? Stay in His Word - keep reading it. Pour out your heart to Him.  Listen: Jesus was a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief. He knows your pain, your heartache.


Our difficult days will find fresh springs of living, life giving water through Jesus. The first part of this chapter talks of yearning, even fainting and crying out for the living God. Desperation should lead us to the living God. Also, when you are in the difficult valley, don't waste it. Use it. Help someone else going through a difficulty. They need encouragement and comfort too.


Let me encourage you today through the words of Scripture. God is your Strength, your Refuge, your Helper through the holidays and in the year to come. Whatever it may bring, "Blessed is the one who trusts in You: (Psalm 84:12)

Heavy Hearted

This morning I woke up feeling so burdened by issues going on in the world, in the church, in my friends lives, and in my family. I'm hurting for so many. Hurting to the place where I want to help "fix" things. And yet, it all seems so out-of-control!


What is the answer? The answer has always been and will always be the same. However, the world is not choosing this answer. The world is so power hungry and bent on pride. Pride will always be a downfall. Pride brings disgrace, breeds quarrels, and proceeds destruction, (per Proverbs).


There is a spirit of arrogance infiltrating our government, our denominations and our homes. He's riding on the backs of many, building up themselves and their beliefs. The ones who allow this spirit of arrogance to use them become their own gods. It's easy to become your own god; just do what you want to and believe what you want without any regard to God or His Word. Or, the Word can be taken and misinterpreted to fit the needs or wants of the interpreter. This is happening in our churches worldwide and locally. When God's laws no longer fit a lifestyle or a community, the laws are attempted to be changed to fit our culture. I laughed when I wrote that last sentence. Psalms says that God's Word stands firm in the heavens, it is eternal. Pride and arrogance makes one feel like they can change this. And God laughs, (Psalm 2:4) "But the Lord laughs at the wicked, for He knows their day is coming," (Psalm 37:13).


I'm seeing those who were strong in the faith turning their heads and looking at other options. Their beliefs are changing to fit their desires and their wills. What a dangerous place to be.


Families are breaking up because one of the members wanted their own way and relinquished their commitment, hurting all involved and causing chaos especially where children are involved.


This all hurts the heart of God. He has all the answers. Yet, few are going to Him for the answers. This sadly is Biblical. You know the gate Jesus talked about in Matthew seven was wide for those going to destruction and this is the way most will choose. The gate is narrow for those choosing the way of real, true life through Jesus - only a few find this way. So probably nothing I could write is going to "fix" anything. It just helps me vent, see more clearly, and realize how desperately I need to be on my knees praying for this lost world and my lost people.


When was the last time, or ever a time, that we have been so burdened by the lost that we wept for them on our knees and brought them before God? Intercession is a hard work. There will be spiritual warfare to keep us from doing this. I have experienced this. The enemy is out on a rampage, as the Bible says he will be in the last of the last days, and he does not want the saints praying at all. He wants them to backslide, and fall away, and have unbelief, and misinterpret the Word and the times. He's doing a good job.


Prayer is hard work and too many of us are being neglectful or we are only speaking surface prayers. Jesus said to go into our rooms and close the door......shut out the world, and pray.


It will change us. It can change the world.


About my being burdened: In our ladies Bible study I'm supposed to be memorizing these verses; "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30). I'm going to get right on that!


Funny, this is not at all what I intended to write about when I began writing this morning. Maybe it's what God wanted written, for me to adhere to and for someone else perhaps. The other blog will have to wait.

Gary's Hunting Song

I dreamed I was with Ed's sister and brother and we were leaving for the airport to fly to another country. I was excited but nervous because I had never flown. On the way to the airport, I remembered I didn't bring my perfume and insisted we go back to get it, which we did. We hurried and made it to the airport on time but were rushed. As I'm quickly walking to my plane, I suddenly realized I hadn't told Gary I was headed out of the country and I needed to tell him this. In my dream, this ache in my chest arose as I recalled I hadn't had contact with him in a long time. I was trying to figure out why on earth we had not talked! The need to do so at that moment was overwhelming. Stopping in my tracks, and looking at my phone, I watched my finger push the numbers of his cell phone and it was the correct number. It rang and rang and all the while it's ringing, my heart is aching with anticipation to talk with him before I leave. That's when I woke up.

I know partly why I had the dream. I have an insatiable need to talk to my son. That desire never goes away. Neither does the desire to mother. The phone ringing and ringing is like the place I am in now - waiting and waiting. While I'm in this waiting period, I want to honor my son's memory, to help someone else in their loss,  point a hurting world to their only hope and true comfort, Jesus.

My son's last fall deer hunt was in 2008. On November 25th of that year, he wrote a song. The song tells how much he loved the sport of deer hunting. After Gary passed away, I gave the words to a singer/songwriter friend and ask if he would create music to the words, so it would become a complete song. Sadly, my friend passed away too.

To honor my son on his 33rd birthday, October 27, I want to share his words because I was/am proud of him and his expression of his love for the sport. I think if he were here reading back over his words, he would chuckle. I also think that if he were here, he would still be hunting and fishing. Gary loved life and he lived a full twenty-two years. For that I am thankful.

Happy birthday in heaven my precious son. I love and miss you with everything in me. This waiting is hard. When I get to heaven, let's sit and talk for a long while. I have so much to say to you.

                                                                   That Ole Tree

 All of us know the hard times at work, but there is a place out there where all your troubles can go away, that all the bad times are put behind you, and the good times are today!!

 Here we go to the place I want to be. I want to be sittin’ in That Ole Tree, waiting to see what I can see, in that frosty cold morning air, work is calling but I don’t care, cause I am sittin’ in That Ole Tree.

 I have a bow in my hand huntin’ on private land.  Can’t wait to see what I can see, sittin, waitin for a Buck in That Ole Tree.  While the buck gets closer my heart beats faster, I’ve shot my bow all summer I should shoot like a master.

 Here we go to the place I want to be. I want to be sittin’ in That Ole Tree, waitin to see what I can see, in that frosty cold morning air, work is calling but I don’t care, cause I am sittin’ in That Ole Tree. 

Here he comes down the trail right to my tree, I pull my bow back and shoot…….I look up at the sky and thank God for the day, cause right below my tree he lay,

 Cause here we go to the place I want to be, I want to be sittin’ in That Ole Tree, waiting to see what I can see, in that frosty cold morning air, work is calling but I don’t care, cause I am sittin in That Ole Tree.

PREACHERMAN

Is Jesus enough? I've had this thought on my mind for a while now. What prompted it was an article I read from a Christian woman who had experienced thoughts that weren't mentally, emotionally, or spiritually healthy. She had prayed and prayed and ask God to take the thoughts away. She had sought out help from the professionals, joined support groups, anything she could to help, but nothing did. She made the comment that there needed to be more study in this area to find a way to help her and others struggling with these thoughts that plagued them.


I am all for learning more on the subjects of mental, physical and emotional needs. God has the answers and gives doctors and scientists the knowledge they need in order to help people with these needs. And He uses these doctors and scientists in this way for His glory whether they recognize where the knowledge came from or not. It is to God's glory. All of life's heartache, sickness, evil and death comes from sin. It all started in the beginning when the humans wanted their way instead of God's way. Hence, we have lived ever since in a world full of trouble and pain.


After I read the article, I felt this lady was saying that although she was a Christian, Jesus just wasn't enough. He didn't take away her thoughts. So I would like to pose the question to you..... Is Jesus enough? For whatever you are going through, is He enough?


We have a preacher friend who stops by often for coffee and conversation. We talk about all kinds of things but we always talk about the Lord. When he was at our home recently, he made the comment that he preached a sermon entitled - "Is Jesus Enough?" My heart started pounding because I had this blog in mind to write with this same question. While I didn't get to hear his sermon, this is what I have pondered in my heart:


1. Paul's thorn was not removed when he asked it to be (2 Cor. 12:8-9). He was to be dependent on God's grace for whatever it was that plagued him. God's grace was and is sufficient for any and every circumstance. The preacherman told us that he lived with a constant struggle, but his struggle is what kept him in close contact with God.


2. Are we in relationship and fellowship with Jesus? Before we can be, we must be born again. Transformed. Then we must be in the Word and prayer, not once a week, once a month, whenever we feel like it, (some of us would never feel like it), but daily. Every day. Do we see our great need of God? If everything is going just fine we may not see how much we need Him.... a ploy of the enemy. The enemy (Satan) comes to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10). The enemy is the one who puts thoughts in our heads that can harm us, physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I've witnessed that just this week with my small group at church. We're going through a tragic situation where we were betrayed by one who we thought was one of our own. But the enemy put thoughts in his head and he acted on them, and now we are devastated and that one is dead. Horrible tragedy. So this leads to number 3:


3. Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Cor. 10:5). Give God those thoughts that you know are not from Him but from the enemy and thoughts you are unable to deal with. Think pure thoughts. The only way we can do this is from the help and strength of the Lord. We all struggle with impure, unholy thoughts, but if the Bible says we can take them captive to the obedience of Christ, we can. Let me give you this whole verse out of the "Easy to Read Version" (ERV) of the Bible: "We tear down every proud idea that raises itself against the knowledge of God. We also capture every thought and make it give up and obey Christ."


4.  Do we believe that last sentence? There is a stipulation to receiving God's promises and that is believing them. Believing is receiving. Sometimes this can be very hard to do especially when you are stepping out in faith on a promise when you see nothing under your feet. However, again in 2 Corinthians 1:20, "For as many as are the promises of God, in Christ they are all answered 'Yes.'"


5.  Hope in God. This is not wishful thinking hope. Biblical hope is a confident assurance that what God says will come to pass. His promises have never failed and they will not fail now.


Preacherman told us, "If our hope fails... God fails. He will not, nor cannot fail. Our hope is unfailing."


This question, "Is Jesus enough?" reminds me of the story in John 7  where Jesus had just healed a man on the Sabbath and the people were questioning who He really was. They asked, "Have the authorities really concluded that He is the Christ?"  REALLY? This sounds so absurd to me. Could these people not think for themselves? Could they not believe the prophesies regarding the Christ? Could they not do their homework and know that Jesus was born in Bethlehem? Did they really have to have someone else tell them what to believe? Could they not open their eyes and see the miracles; open their ears and hear the teachings? However, after further study on these verses I found that they did know about Him from an earthly standpoint, didn't believe He was who He claimed to be, and with their question, were insinuating the religious rulers to do what they wanted to do: kill Jesus. This mob was probably part of the same who later cried "crucify!" "He came to that which was His own (that which belonged to Him - His world, His creation, His possession), and those who were His own (people - the Jewish nation) did not receive and welcome Him" (John 1). Following these verses, Jesus cries out to the crowd. "Yes, you know me, and you know where I am from. I am not here on my own authority, but he who sent me is true. You do not know him."


Jesus is still calling out. If we do not respond, we have no excuse. Romans 1:20 states this. Does it take too much time to get to know Jesus for ourselves? To study the Word and pray? It's easier just to say Jesus hasn't been enough for me than to search for Him with all your heart and soul and mind. And we hurt Him with our words and our lives.




The question, "Is Jesus enough," has already been answered and it is answered correctly. Whether we recognize that in our lives or not doesn't determine the answer. God has determined the answer. He is enough! He will always be enough!

The "P" Word

That "P" word keeps coming up in my reading and causing a lot of thinking. Serious thinking. I'm lacking in some areas. This world is missing it altogether when it comes to the "P" word. What does it look like to have that word in my life because I want more of it.


The "P" words meaning is - unmixed; free from taint; free from what pollutes or weakens or vitiates; clean and not harmful in any way; and I like this.....being in tune. All these descriptions come from the word PURE. Jesus said that only those who were pure in heart would be able to see God. That stimulates my thinking! Pure in my thoughts, actions, motives, words, (mmm that mouth), in all of life. Being in tune with my Maker. 


There's an amazing, thought provoking story in John 7,  where Jesus had been at the Feast of Tabernacles - the great feast in the Jewish year that celebrated the completion of harvest and connecting God's goodness to the people during their desert wanderings. During these days at the festival, Jesus taught at the temple courts. At some point the people began asking, "Have the authorities really concluded that he (Jesus) is the Christ?" Are you serious? The created human authorities needed to decide whether their Creator is the Christ? How insane is that, and yet, we decide that every day with our lives. Jesus is Lord over our life, or He is not. If He is not, who is? I have to admit that sometimes, the lord of my life is me. But I have discovered that I can't in myself have a pure heart. I've tried. It isn't possible. We are either hot or cold; we cannot straddle the fence as the saying goes. I have a preacher friend who makes it clear: "You are or you're not. Period."  Jesus IS Lord regardless of my insufficient ways. I Thank Him that His grace is sufficient to cover my lack and it is His strength that keeps me in the pure way. 


"On the last and greatest day of the feast, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice." Why in a loud voice? Was He yelling it out? Was He so intent for people to hear that He speaks out to where all can here? Yes, I think so and He's still speaking loud and clear but are we listening? This is what He said, "Anyone who is thirsty may come to me! Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, 'Rivers of living water will flow from his heart.'" Was there a possibility that some might not be thirsty? Sadly, yes. Some are content in themselves, with themselves. What good is there in that? What a selfish way to live. Jesus offers us the living water but only to those who are thirsty for it. Hmmm. How thirsty are we? Do we hunger and thirst for Jesus?


When my son was alive and I saw that he needed to make a decision on something, I spoke with intent so he would hear and not miss the message I was sending. I did that out of my love and concern for him. It was for his protection and his best interest. Jesus wants us to choose His way knowing that is the only way to have an abundant life. His love for us is beyond what we can imagine.


The living water that He was and still is offering is pure, untainted, clean in every way, not mixed with anything else. Pure. He is offering Himself.


You know, time is not waiting for any of us. Our time is running out and it's going by fast. We need to decide. The world watches us Christians. Are we genuine?  Our pastor said Sunday to get a blank piece of paper and sign your name at the bottom, then ask God to fill in the page. Scary? Yes, but it is the only way to real life. The only way to live and think and be... true and noble, right and pure, lovely and admirable, excellent and praiseworthy - think about and do such things. (Philippians 4)


Usually the final words of a speech or a sermon are words that leave you with something to think about and ponder over. Such were Jesus' final words at the close of the festival. Did you  notice they were said with exclamation marks? He meant it. He wanted to get their attention. He still does want to get our attention.


I want that "P" word in my life.

Mourning Doves

Sitting at my desk at five in the morning it is quite, very quite. The only sound is a clock ticking. My thoughts are not quite. I read my Bible and desire so much for God to speak to me through His Word. I'm listening in the quietness. I realize in the background, there's a mourning dove cooing outside my window. He's been at it sometime but I just really started paying attention. I wonder what he is saying this early, while it's still dark outside.


Doves are resilient. Although they are the most hunted bird for their meat, they have the ability to retain their population. The doves' sorrowful sound of "woo-oo-oo" evoke a feeling of grief over the loss of a loved one. I witnessed a dove mourning once. He was sitting on the electrical wire over my drive-way. He kept cooing all day. I finally walked over to where he was above me. Then I understood. Doves mate for life. His mate lay dead on the ground above the line where he sat mourning for her. Isaiah 38:14 says, "I cried like a bird and moaned like a dove. My eyes became tired, but I continued looking to the heavens. Lord, I am so depressed. Promise to help me."


Doves are also used as symbols and to bring a positive message. During the flood, Noah sent out a dove to look for dry ground and the dove returned with an olive leaf bringing hope that the flood was receding.  When Jesus was baptized, the Spirit of God descended like a dove on Him symbolizing the Holy Spirit and as one of the figures of the Trinity. Doves have also been thought of as a symbol of peace.


A doves cooing seems to help sooth a hurting heart over the death of a loved one. I know a man who after losing his son, was sitting on his porch when a dove landed beside him, cooing, as if to say, I mourn with you.


After these thoughts, I open a devotional and read over it. Wait.... what did that say? I re-read it; "My heart is in anguish within me......I said, 'Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. I would flee far away and stay in the desert; I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm'"  ( From Psalm 55). Wow, God. You are speaking through a bird cooing and a Scripture verse!


I get that Scripture verse and I understand what David is saying. How many times have I wanted to go find reclusion from the world and hide-out! I have, at times, wanted to be alone with my grief and anguish. Times when I didn't have to be around anyone, or to face any demands of life. I think we all get to a point where we need to "get-away" and rest. Even Jesus saw the importance of this and required His disciples to do the same: "Come with Me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest" (Mark 6:31). It's necessary for a while. However, we can't stay there. Life calls. Even if we could "hide-out," "fly-away," from family and friends it isn't emotionally, mentally or spiritually healthy to be alone for long periods. We need each other.


I was forced to come away from my reclusion. I didn't want to, but it was necessary. I can see now how that actually helped me in my grief to allow others to minister to me. Also, to get my mind occupied on something beside my circumstances for a time. But most importantly, to let the grace of God be seen coming through my life. God was/is working His grace out in my life. Others need to see Jesus working in us.


Usually getting away is short-lived because there is always work to be done. Jesus' time alone was always short because there were so many needy people seeking Him out. His compassion for those people overrode his need for reclusion. Thank God for that and thank Him that He still has compassion on us and meets our needs. He's not "hiding out" somewhere.


My favorite place is the mountains. That's where I go to be alone and get some rest. Ed and I have a special place in the mountains where we love to "Fly away" and rest. It's our sanctuary.


In the last part of Psalm 55, David said, "Cast your cares on the LORD and He will sustain you." Sustain means: to give support or relief to; to supply with sustenance; Nourish; To support the weight of. Peter says something of the same, "Casting all your cares all your anxieties, all your worries, and all your concerns, once and for all on Him, for He cares about you with deepest affection, and watches over you very carefully" (1 Peter 5:7)AMP.




Maybe we should be more like doves...being strong and resilient after bad things happen through the grace and strength of the Lord, consoling the hurting and offering hope. Lasting hope can only be found in the One to whom the dove like descended: Jesus. He gives peace; the kind that passes all understanding.

Time To Fish

It's time to fish! The 11th Annual Gary Lindsey Memorial Benefit Firecracker Fishing Tournament is upon us. For Ed and I, it's a time to reflect on the past ten years of our life and the tournaments. Our grief hasn't gone away. It's changed. We will never be "over" it. Our loss is a life-long loss that has changed our lives, our plans, our hopes and our dreams. We've had to re-define all that.....find new plans, new dreams, and a different way of life. It's not what we would have chosen, but what has been given for purposes beyond our comprehension. Beyond what we can see.


We talk about this often, and how even though our hearts still hurt, we have been blessed in many ways. God is a good, good Father. Jesus told us in John 16:33 that we would have trouble in this world. We were never promised an easy life, an easy path. But Jesus also said He had overcome the world. He is our hope. He is our strength and our comfort. Life can be very hard, but Jesus is the Anchor.


The fishing tournament is one of the ways we have been immeasurably blest. I thank God every day for my son's life. I'm thankful for the twenty-two years and all the good memories. When we witness the fishermen and women who come and support this tournament, our hearts are warmed in ways we cannot explain. Fishing all night is not easy and yet, they come. They will never know how much they are appreciated.


The volunteers have been a topic of conversation between us also. They show up every year and know what to do, taking care of their area and we do not have to be concerned about how it's going to get done. They do it. They march in like reinforcements. What an awesome group of volunteers! We cannot begin to thank them enough or repay for all their hard work.


We understand the importance of those who sponsor and contribute by food, supplies or monetary gifts. They're the ones who make it possible to give back to our community so that helping others becomes a reality.


We can't say enough about our church family. After ten years they still support us in so many ways. They are like the believers in the book of Acts who encourage and uplift. In our eyes, they are champions. What and how do others make it without the support of  a local family of believers? We wouldn't know. What a blessing we have been given by their acts of kindness, prayers and care. "I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy." Philippians 1:3-4


Our own family's love, prayers and constant support has helped sustain us and the closeness we have is a bond that cannot be broken.


We still shed tears from our loss but also because our hearts are very grateful from the outpouring in all these many ways. Thank you doesn't seem to be enough, but we are thankful beyond measure.


Happy Fishing!

Hard to Swallow

Been thinking about this all week. It was our Scripture in small group Sunday morning. "James and John....came to (Jesus). "Teacher...we want you to do for us whatever we ask." "What do you want me to do for you?" He asked.
They replied, "Let one of us sit at your right and the other at your left in your glory." Mark 10:35-37. James and John were close to Jesus and yet sometimes they were spiritually dull. They, and others, had in their minds that Jesus was going to become a physical king, and out of their pride wanted to have power with Him. Totally oblivious to what they are asking, Jesus tells them so. "You don't know what you are asking." However, James and John think they understand and answer accordingly.


After Jesus death, burial and resurrection and Pentecost, Jesus words became clear and James and John would follow Him the rest of their lives. James being the first disciple to be martyred and John being exiled to the island of Patmos and the last of the twelve disciples to die.


How ironic that just a few verses following this request by James and John we have blind Bartimaeus shouting to Jesus for mercy. Here is a man who sat just outside the city gates, begging everyday. When he heard Jesus was coming, he started shouting for Him. "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!" Blind Bartimaeus knows who Jesus is. "Son of David" is a Messianic title and Bart knew Jesus, being the Messiah, could heal him. Out of his desperation to see, and in humbleness of his heart he cries out for mercy. There's no pride here, just a great need for Jesus' healing. And Jesus asked him the same question He had asked James and John. "What do you want me to do for you?" Bartimaeus response - "I want to see." Immediately, immediately Jesus healed him, "and followed Jesus along the road."


Different requests. Same question. Different responses.


Jesus asks, "What do you want me to do for you?"


I've been thinking about my prayer life and being more specific in my requests. What do I want Jesus to do for me? I know that His word says if we ask anything in His name and His will, we have what we ask for (John 14). And if we delight ourselves in Him, He will give us the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37). These desires however, must come from God and be His desires first. And when we love Him and are surrendered to Him, His desires become our desires.
Amazing, but Biblically true.


Bartimaeus asked out of his great need. Sometimes God takes us to a place of desperation because that is the only way we will come to Him. When disasters hit this country, Americans turn to God. They start praying. They attend church. Then slowly, things get better and the desperation wears off. It wears off because they felt they only needed God for a little while.


In this country, we are so rich and blessed and self-sufficient, we do not realize our great need of a Savior. We want to do our own thing, our own way, and be committed to ourselves. We are deceived into thinking we are okay, when in reality, we are "wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked" (Revelation 3:17) Not my words, Jesus words and right before He said this, He told them they were lukewarm, "neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth." Whew! Hard to swallow those words.


There is no fear of God anymore. If there was, we would be like blind Bart begging for mercy. I wish there was no need for this verse in 2 Chronicles 7:14, but since it's there, tells me we are not doing these things. "If my people (the Christians!) who are called by my name (Christians!) will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."


Life is not about us. Life is about Him. That is why we are here. He is our purpose. He is our life.


What do I want You to do for us? Jesus, I'm begging. Please have mercy.

10th Year. A Resurgence of Sorts

Resurgence. This word came up in a book I was reading. I don't hear this word much but it has stuck in my mind ever since. It means, "a rising again into life, activity."


I think back to ten years ago. I will never forget the phone call - the call no one ever wants to receive: our son's boat had been found parked on the lake bank with the engine running and he was not in it.


And the nightmare began.


The whirlwind of my heart and mind started thinking of all the different scenarios that could, or could not be going on. My first thought was that my son had parked his boat on the bank and gone turkey hunting. No. The person who called 911 saw his unmanned boat on the other side of the lake. Then the next thought; he's injured and lying on a bank. No. We all searched for him. Following; someone has done something to him. No. There was no evidence of that. The unavoidable last and worst thought; he drowned. Please God, No! I hate that word drown. I hate death. I hate sin which causes all those words I hate.


I think about all the people God has placed in our path since that horrible day and the losses they have incurred. They have words they hate too: Cancer. Suicide. Care wreck. Murder. Etc. And when someone who hasn't experienced one of these tragedies uses the hated word in an illustrative or sometimes flippant manner, we cringe. For instance; we had a speaker at church one evening using the overhead screen. He used my hated word in an illustration about those who are "drowning in debt," "drowning in sin," and the picture that was displayed on the screen was a hand coming out of the water.


I don't know to this day why I didn't just get up and walk out. The torture my mind was envisioning was more than I could bear. The use of my hated word was more than I could stand.


Death, and I believe especially the death of a child, changes everything. It has changed our thought process, our emotions, our perceptions, the way we live, and it has changed our faith. And the odd thing about tragedy and loss when given to God and trusting Him to help us, He will use it for His glory all the while strengthening us to go on. It's really astonishing in hindsight of how He has worked in our life.


There is a "Resurgence of sorts" to these areas of our life and even beyond. There was a time in the first couple of years after our son passed away that I didn't see a resurgence of anything. I wanted to die. The grief was too much to bear. But I held on desperately to my only hope, Jesus. There are times even now when I'm not feeling a resurgence of anything and I just want to be alone and dwell in my sadness. However, God is always working on my behalf, and yours, and He uses the good times as well as the sad times.


In the resurgence of our thought process, we are now so keenly aware of the brevity of life. We do not know if we will awaken each morning or if by the end of the day we will still be here. We just don't know. Our son had plans for the evening, plans for the weekend. He had plans. We can make our plans, but God has the final say. So, we should live each day as if it were our last.


Our emotional resurgent state of mind and heart has become so much more compassionate. We feel deeply for someone else going through a life-altering tragedy. We love more, care more, and are moved intensely over situations causing grief and loss and we want to share with them the comfort God has brought to us.


There are so many things in life not worth getting worked up over and these things become so obvious when a child dies. Perspective instantly increases. Everything goes into perspective. Everything.


Ed and I have been amazed at the people God has placed in our lives and the opportunities He has given us. We have witnessed the impossible (in our minds, but not with God) being worked out through us. Faith grows stronger when we give our heartaches, our lack of understanding, our sorrows to Jesus. He is the Man of sorrows and pain, acquainted with grief (Isaiah 53:3), whose grace is sufficient in every and all circumstances (2 Corinthians 12:9). It is through difficulties, hardships, and our weaknesses that God can reveal Himself in ways that were never known before our loss. Sorrow can grow your faith. He is the strength, comfort, and peace we desperately need and that He alone can give.


We can say we have experienced a resurgence of life because of our loss. A resurgence we would probably have never known otherwise. We would have wanted to experience this growth while enjoying our son still with us. However, that is not reality. Sometimes reality is hard to live with. The pain is still with us. The loss is felt every minute of every day. We are lonely without our son and the future he might have had. It is a loneliness that is not understood except for the very few who are in the same place we are. Our hearts hurt for the "might have been."


I cling to Isaiah 40:31, "Those who trust in the LORD will find new strength." Another version say "regain their strength." I think of it this way: Those who trust (wait for, expect, look for, and hope in) the Lord will find a "Resurgence of Strength." "They will lift up their wings (and rise up close to God) like eagles (rising toward the sun); They will run and not become weary, They will walk and not grow tired." (Amp)